DP's Low mood

[PaddyP00]

Been with DP for two and a bit years, love him very much and adore the life we have carved out for ourselves. However, DP has ongoing mental health problems with regard to inherited clinical depression. DP has so far refused any 'talking' therapies and relies on talking things through with me or chatting to his GP.

I too have been diagnosed with depression (recurrent from a particularly harrowing abusive relationship many years ago) but I find that my symptoms are controlled fairly well by Citalopram AD's.

Unfortunately DP is currently struggling through a particularly black period (with no recognised trigger) and i am finding it very difficult to support him, as i feel we continue to round in circles of feeling well, mood dipping, crashing to a black low then regrouping to work towards feeling normal again.

He says frequently that although he loves me very much I would be better off without him, I know that this is said for dramatic effect as he agrees that the relationship we have is one of the best constants that he has in his life.

Any tips or even hand holding would be much appreciated, as i feel like i am starting to struggle to tread water.

Please offer me any tips you may have as I am slowly coming to the end of my tether

Can anyone please help?!?!

hello, didnt want your post to be unanswered. I suffer from depression and anxiety so i understand to a degree. Its hard, its irrational but for me, talking therapies help and citalopram. Is your DP on any medication at all? Its very hard for partners though, my DP also has suffered from depression as a direct result of mine, he wouldnt seek medical advice though - because he is a stubborn bugger man One of the things DP does is avoid caffiene as its a trigger for him.

Hi Paddy so sorry to hear you and DP are having such a tough time. I can well imagine you're struggling. It's very hard being with someone with depression, and I can imagining doubly so for you with your own diagnosis.

How often does your dp see his GP? Has he been back with this recent episode? I also wonder if he's taking any medication if he won't have counselling. I think if a partner isn't getting help it makes it a lot harder for the other one. Is it something you could speak to your Doc about? Is your DP aware you're really struggling now? Do you anyone that you can be open with about how you're feeling at the moment - that can help too. Hope you get some respite soon. Take care x

Firstly, thank you so much ladies, just knowing that someone (two of you!) cared enough to reply to my post means such a lot!

DP is also on Citalopram and this has been reduced in last 4 months from 40 mg to 20mg, on a locum GP's advice, clearly this is not working as until the recent bout of increased depression DP was doing well and had not felt this low in around 12 months ( which believe me is a massive improvement)

I spoke to DP last night and he agreed that he would phone and speak to his GP today to get permission to increase his dosage again and to arrange an appointment for a review.

We have also agreed to completely eliminate alcohol for 1 month, as although we are not big drinkers (less than 1 bottle of wine a week) DP feels this may be a slight trigger.

we are both feeling more positive today after a brilliant nights sleep so fingers crossed things will improve.

Thanks again for your suggestions and help. Bless you for caring xx

That's great that you are deciding to get better together try to recognise when you are having a good or better day and thank him for his part in that. Hopefully he will reciprocate!

Paddy My DH has suffered with depression for years and my heart goes out to you. It is so so difficult to live with on a day to day basis.

I know what you mean by going round in circles. I got so used to the cycle, that even when he was well, I didn't really trust myself to enjoy it as I was just waiting for it all to go wrong again.

I would encourage your DP to try and arrange some 'talking' therapy with someone other than you. I found it an unbearable strain as I was not qualified to help and shouldering that responsibility was enormous. DH would go over things in weary circles and I found it very hard to support him at times. I should add that he was on medication and had talking therapy too. From what I have read from the hospital he was under, therapy is designed to help the patient find their own understanding of their illness, and as a layperson I was always trying to find a solution, which wasn't really what was required to help him in the long run.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to do something for yourself. It is exhausting looking after someone who is depressed. If your depression is under control and you are able, take some time to just meet a friend for a coffee, go to the library for half an hour, walk around the block, just by yourself each day.

Good luck, hope that helps a little.

Hi, glad to see you are feeling a bit more positive. There's been a lot of posts about people living with depressed partner's recently, both in mental health and in relationships. It really is a big problem.

I posted started a thread in mental health a few weeks ago about my struggles. Also posted in relationships on a similar thread. I won't repeat all I said then but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and you might find posts on other threads useful.

Like Moniker I would emphasise how important it is to look after yourself. I would also add that for self preservation it is imperative to find some way-easier said than done- to detach yourself from your partner a little.

What I would say is after going through a really horrible time my partner is now back to "normal" and we are having a really lovely time together again. Good luck.

Hi Paddy,
you're very welcome. Glad to hear you had a better day and you've been talking with DH about how to tackle this - that's a great first step. Upping the Cital sounds like a v sensible move and seeing GP - like someone said earlier, I would also encourage your DH to request counselling, partic as it sounds like this has been going on for a while.
I'd also echo how important it is to do something for you, something you enjoy - eg I took up painting.... and be mindful of how you're feeling too. All the very best x