im hurting my loved ones

[mouses]

im so upset to be writing here yet again, but i have no one here who may understand.

my depression is affecting everyone near me. my 2 DS's are suffering, one gets down and emotional the other is aggresive and angered quickly. god knows how my DD views it all!

i had a very bad few days and my boyfriend took me to the gp this morning. when he left to go home i see that on the computer he had been looking at how to cope with a depressed partner along with other depression pages. now im feeling awful, i dont want to bring him down, he's really into life and hobbies and always happy no matter whats happening. he dont deserve to have to 'cope' with me. he is probably trying not to hurt me by standing by, but really wants to walk away.

the pages were left on so i didnt know if he wanted me to see them or forgot to take them off? now im sitting here over analysing what he might be trying to tell me, what i should do next? i cant deal with it all.

bump.
No advice - just didn't want it to fall off the active convos list before someone more useful comes along.

I hope you find your way through it soon.

Oh dear, you sound so upset.

Your boyfriend sounds very kind and caring. He has taken you to the gp and was probably looking at those pages to gain a better understanding of what you are going through. I would see it as a good sign, definitely not a sign that he was about to leave you.

There is a lot of misunderstanding over depressive illness and he was probably trying to get some advice as to how to help you. It may not be something he can ask anyone else as in order to help someone with depression you have to have had some experience of it ideally and he may not know anyone in RL who has this experience. There is a lot of information online about depression so he was most likely looking through that to understand everything better and find ways to support you better.

You say he is always happy. That is an encouraging sign - this is just his natural personality then and so he is well-placed emotionally to be able to help you.

Perhaps he wants to talk to you about some of the information he has found and that is why he left the pages open? I have some experience of dealing with my DH when he was depressed and sometimes it is difficult to know the best way to raise certain things.

Hope that helps a little.