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Mental health

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Original poster

Had a traumatic time and it's not going away.

15 replies

nearlythree · 31/05/2006 22:25

We had our ds last week after I'd had to stay in hospital for 10 days due to an unstable lie. It was so wonderful. Then the next day dd2 (aged 2) was taken to hospital by ambulance as she collapsed. I was left on my own with ds as dh was with dd2. Even though we were in the same hospital I couldn't see them. I spent the whole of ds's first week in tears - I honestly thought dd2 was going to die and I'd never see her again. She is now better but they can't find out what was wrong, and are still doing loads of investigations that sound awful. We are all home again and I have stopped bf as I got very sore and needed to be well in order to be there for all three children. Now dd1 (aged 4) has a stonking temperature and dh and I are beside ourselves with worry for her, for dd2 catching something else, and for ds who is so tiny. I am so traumatised, every time I go to sleep I dream about being in hospital and someone bringing me bad news so I try not to go to sleep very much. I am eaten up with anxiety and feel sick all the time. I am terrified for my children. Thye are my world and I am sure we are going to lose one of them - dd2 was in hospital in March, too, and ds is so small, and dd1's bf died of meningitis not so long ago. Please help me.

OP posts:

azroc · 31/05/2006 22:30

So sorry you're having such a hard time. I will be thinking of you and I'm sure lots of other people will too. Do you have any supportive friends/family nearby? Or is there a counsellor you could talk to? Try asking your GP, or if you still have a midwife visiting talk to her. Good luck!

emkana · 31/05/2006 22:30

Oh poor you this is terrible!

I'm sure none of your children is going to die. I can understand that you are worried, you are feeling so vulnerable so soon after the birth of your little baby, but I'm sure things are going to be fine.

Talk to your midwife, your GP, people in hospital... tell them how you feel and how worried you are.

And do try to sleep, it's so vital for your wellbeing!

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}} to you!

Original poster

nearlythree · 31/05/2006 22:32

Thank you both.

OP posts:

neena28 · 31/05/2006 22:33

Phone your midwife/hv first thing if they don't help you see your gp.

Do you have any friends/family that can help? At least to do a bit around the house, just ease a bit of the burden?

Please calm down, realistically the chances of it being really serious for any of your children is minimal although you sound very fraught so it is probably hard to realise that.

As for the dreams I had awful panic dreams after both my ds and dd. I htink it is normal and a result of the hormones as much as anything, so try not to panic anymore about them.

I really feel for you but please try and remember that you have just had a baby so you are fragile as well and let the little stuff go for as long as possible. Not having a tidy home or telling people to piss off and give you some peace and rest won't hurt anyone, but may help your sanity.

Thinking of you. xx

Beauregard · 31/05/2006 22:34

(((big hugs)))

PanicPants · 31/05/2006 22:37

Nearlythree - this is such a bad time for you, and remember a week after the birth your hormones are allover the place. I'm sure nothing will happen to any of your children.

Can you talk to your midwife? Dh?

Try to get some some sleep as things will seem more positive if your not so exhausted.

Did you phone NHSdirect about dd1's temp?

Love and hugs

Original poster

nearlythree · 01/06/2006 18:33

Feeling worse today - dd1 is more pooorly and the gp said to keep ds away from her. It's a bit late for that.

OP posts:

monkeytrousers · 01/06/2006 18:56

You need to visit your GP and tell them the depth of your depression. Please do it as soon as possible! There is help available. x

frumpygrumpy · 01/06/2006 19:28

God, you have so much going on, there's no wonder you feel sick. Its a huge list of needs and you want to see to all of them and you are in recovery time yourself AND you actually want to be sitting back and enjoying your new wee one. Its has all come at such a bad time.

My DD (then 4)was very very ill at Christmas time and I had my DTs (18 months then) at home with coughs and colds etc and it was right over Christmas. I felt like I was the only person in the whole world feeling so crap and I wanted to be in 6 different places at once. It took us a while to find out what was wrong with DD and it involved emergency treatments and a sick feeling that returns every time I think about that time. I still fill up with tears when I try to talk about it. I went on total auto pilot, I could literally feel my body going up 5 gears into survival mode, and later I slumped and felt very low.

Nothing can make this any easier on you but time. Try to draft in as much support as you can. Can a relative take away all the washing and bring it back clean and ironed? My MIL did this and even though we don't like each other it gave her something to focus on and me something less to think about. I didn't like it but I knew in a short time it would be in my care again. I had to (very reluctantly) allow other people to take responsibilty for my DTs and pop home for half an hour each day to see them. Somewhere in it all I occasionally ate a sandwich and peed. It was hell and the only thing that kept me going was focussing on a time that it would be better and I knew that it would, I just had to keep drumming it in. "It wont be like this in a week, it will be different in 2 weeks, in a month we'll be doing....." and so on.

Being separated from your DD at a time you would naturally want to be at her side has struck a chord somewhere deep inside and that has made you focus on that feeling and your mind is intensifying it so that you are beginning to feel concern about not having one of them. It is your mind running away with you and you must control it and keep perspective. My DP is good at bringing me back in when I get like this, can you DH do similar?

Sorry if I'm rambling, I just feel for you and want to help.

Original poster

nearlythree · 01/06/2006 19:46

Thank you both. I can't say any more right now.

I just want to be a normal family again.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 01/06/2006 20:03

You will be. Fast forward a number of weeks, picture how it will be, keep it in your head and when you are really struggling keep saying "this is temporary, tomorrow will be different" (it might not be much easier but it will be different). Remind yourself of other times you've struggled through, you got through didn't you? Focus, focus, focus on another, better time. And eat sometimes, it helps your body cope. x

Original poster

nearlythree · 03/06/2006 20:53

Thanks, frumpygrumpy. dd1 now has chickenpox, so in a way I am a bit hapier as we know what she has and what its dangers are, but OTOH I'm beside myself with worry in case ds gets it as I know it can be dangerous, and in case dd2 gets it (which is quite likely) as she has been through enough lately and is looking really well just now. The only bright spot is that dh and I have arranged for a maternity nurse to come and stay, she has experience of working in paediatrics so having her here will give us some peace of mind, and she i sdue on Monday so only two more nights to get through.

I am still dreaming that I am in hospital, and every time dh comes in to wake me I think he is telling me bad news. I still feel sick. My ds is so sweet and precious, and the girls are so funny and kind, I guess I don't believe I could ever deserve to be so happy with them.

OP posts:

magnolia1 · 03/06/2006 21:07

Oh hun, what an awful lot for you to be going through.

I am sure you will start to feel better when an extra pair of hands arrives especially as she will put your mind at ease a bit as well as helping out.

Take care xxxx

frumpygrumpy · 05/06/2006 13:39

I'm so glad you have the maternity nusre coming in, we swithered about getting one and in the end we didn't but we did have huge help from my parents. She too will be temporary and it will get you through.

I'm kind of glad it is chickenpox because you may as well get all the shit stuff out of the way at the one time . I think its meant to be less problematic the younger the child is, but I could be wrong. None of mine has had it and I'm sort of wishing they would so we can get it over with, although, like you, my DD has had enough this year and she also is looking really well.

Try to be realistic that this will be the hardest time and that if you just stick your head down and accept its crappy and let time pass a little, that you will come out the other end a happier, very much together family. Are you getting any sleep? Aim to do as little as you can get away with. I pushed myself far too hard cooking and cleaning and all the rest. I wish I'd bought ready meals for 3 months and then sorted out healthy diets when life was more in control. My best to you honey.

Original poster

nearlythree · 23/06/2006 22:43

Hi, just thought I'd post a quick update and say thanks again to all you angels who were kind enough to post before. Ds and dd2 both got CP, so far ds's is very mild but dd2's has been awful. She is past the worst though. The maternity nurse is an angel too and we have kept her on a bit longer - I can't recommend getting one in to anyone feeling low enough, even if it takes all your savings like it is us! I have managed to get mastisis 3 weeks after stopping bf but that, too has past. I'm feeling better but am still reluctant to think it's all on the way out - I know it's just a matter of time before one of them gets sick again, I just hope we get a bit of a break first!

OP posts:

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