not coping any more

[mouses]

this is me, my dull wasteless life, lingering on a mental health thread crying stupidly cos im useless. this is all i can do. last few days all ive done is come on here and moap.

my head is about to explode, feel like im not coping with everything. kids are driving me mad, their noise seems to be 100 times louder than normal, my DD is asking me to do puzzles and crying and its going straight through me, dog following me around is even winding me up, i feel like im gonna loose it.

my neighbour has just had a go at me, kids were arguing in the garden (communal) and my DS had knocked one of them in on the eye trying to stop the other from biting him, they were all blaming my DS and now i have a crying son, DD is crying cos ive locked the back door.

ive had to stop and breathe before i go out there and tell them all to fuck of and punch the mum! this aint me, im not agressive but im so unpredictable lately, i feel sorry for my kids.

if it wasnt for the fact my DD relies on me and her dad is useless i would just run from it all. my boys would be fine with their dad. im here for my kids i dont deserve.

ive seen my gp, on AD's had a referal for a psychiatrist... why go on!

Wow, your day would have me heading straight for the off licence!

I know i am in a bad way when my dogs walking around puts me on edge - i sympathise!

Right so - its a quarter to ten - put the kids to bed, they should be in bed now so you can get a bit of head space not judging. Send them to bed with books, TV, whatever it takes to get them to simmer down.

What ADs are you on? I am on citalopram - how long have you been taking them?

You are not useless, and you lingering on a mental health thread is a positive thing, because you will get support here - im offering my hand to hold as someone who understands.

OF course you deserve your kids, and you deserve help with your kids too - how old are they?

You must go on because one day you will feel sooo much better and look back and think thank god I didn't kill myself and leave my dd with her useless dad and my sons as you do deserve them and they love you and need you. I do relate to most of what you've said here and have been off work for the last 6 weeks and had my meds upped and been referred for counselling last week. Can you go back to your GP to review you meds? They take a while to start working my GP said.

their going to end up with a life like mine, i promised myself i would give them a different life then i did growing up, but i have one with anger issues one that cries all the time and DD viewing it all! ive failed.

ive been on 20mg fluoxetine for a yr, pills dont normally agree with me so gp has kept me on low dose.

my kids are 11, 8 and coming up 3. eldest is at a sleep over middle doesnt like sleeping on his own and little one had a nap earlier so is wide awake.

i see my gp on weds, she is refering me to psych for assessment.

its no one elses fault but mine, my kids dont deserve a depressed mum, they deserve to live a happy childhood not be cooped up indoors cos i cant go out or face the world. its my life all over again.

my DD is my pulse at the moment, i know she will be lost without me. im all she knows, but im finding it hard not to give them them to their dads for their own good. but if i did that i wont be here. its a horrid circle.

even thought if the boys live with their dad? but my dd loves them and they keep her amused when im being pathetic on the sofa curled up in my own world. cant do it to her, but im feeling so down. cant help but have these thoughts.