Stress or depression or just anxiety?

[Madamecastafiore]

Would appreciate advice, I work in mental health field but not sure I can use this for insight into how I feel at present?

I recently brought something up at work and it has ended with me being told to stay home on full pay as I put in a grievance in victimisation basis.

Anyway, I am a mess, after putting in the grievance I initially felt empowered and happy that I had done the right things

I still feel as though I have done the right thing but my emotions are all over the place. I cry at the drop of a hat, have a funny tummy, have no appetite and feel constantly on edge with an aching head.

I am 4 months pregnant and know some my overly emotional state is due to this but am struggling to get a handle on my emotions. I am also completely freaking out when I don't feel the baby move as am worried about how this is effecting him/her.

DH is telling me to hand in my notice, that none of this is worth the upset and I k ow this would probably be the sensible thing to do in terms of my health and that of the baby. BUT I am trying to balance it all sitting right in terms if speaking up and being the one without a job and the fact that I have been told it is unlikely my resignation will be accepted under the circumstances.

So where do I go from here?

I would really appreciate some advice before my heart bears put of my body and my head explodes!

Anyone?

Am bumping this for you.

It is a while since I was pregnant, but I dont remember feeling much movement from babies till about 20 weeks?
And yes, you may understandably be crying more in the circumstances.

The work stuff.
Might it be better to post on the employment section on here about that part? They could probably help you go through the work part in conjunction with how you feel about it all.

Thanks yams.

I have been feeling movement but seems to have stopped, is 3rd child and felt it a lot earlier wit number 2. Maybe it's just me being so anxious that I am sort of projecting it on to that one thing. I am worried about how all this is effecting the baby though!

The employment issue can't be rectified at present until someone returns from holiday. I have got to see occupational health this week and they will decide if I can return to work.

It's just the rush of emotions. I feel completely overwhelmed by.

I really think you need to go to your doctor, first thing on monday - you sound like you are totally overwhelmed with anxiety, brought on by your work situation and exacerbated by your hormones.

The rush of emotions are adrenalin, caused by you feeling anxious, the trouble is, they sort of self propogate but they will only go so far before other hormones will kick in and take the levels back down. By knowing this, it is much easier to ride it out.

Your OP was pretty muddled and that is how i get when im extremely anxious.

Get yourself signed off from work, don't hand your notice in - buy yourself some headspace and remove yourself from the situation.

Really sorry you are going through this. Its anxiety - its not "just" anxiety - i have an anxiety disorder and its really disabling, causing depression. Sometimes i am so anxious i can't move - its really horrible. Don't trivialise how you are feeling, you need to look after yourself.

You say you work in mental health, so you know this,its just that your anxiety is preventing you from thinking straight.

The baby will be resilient little thing - i remember my DD1 and her friend "ran away" (she was 15) when i was pregnant, missing persons report, police looking for her, everything - you can imagine the distress - DD2 was fine. I know that doesn't help but honestly, if you can just find ways to keep yourself relaxed the chances of anything happening to your baby are minimal so much as to be negligent.

Thanks LEM. I have moments of clarity when I can hold it together and then huge dips where I can't stop crying.

Work are being very good and I think realise how seriously this has affected me, well to an extent but I just feel totally overwhelmed.

Dr signed me off lay week but then work said was being given leave anyway as was worried about how this was affecting my health. I didn't want to give them the sick note as being off sick woulda an I wouldn't get paid.

Glad the stress didn't affect your pregnancy, that's good to know and I apologise for saying just anxiety, I am understanding just now how completely debilitating anxiety can be I think.

aw bless. I can sort of understand as have had huge amounts of stress at work myself the past few months. I am not pregnant though, but have been! I think you have the two different situations going on for you. One being worried about the baby, so you need to get checked over as soon as possible to help you with that. Hopefully all is well and then you will just have the work stress to deal with.
I contacted CAB this week and they gave me info on putting in a grievance. I didn't. Instead I contact the counsellor and am waiting a session with them.
How about trying some meditation on utube its been helping me cope these last few weeks. Chills me out when the tears come and I cant get control over the sad feelings.
Would it help to tell us what the problem is at work?

No need to apologise, i just don't want you to trivialise what is happening to YOU. I think we live in a world with high stress and anxiety but there are every day levels of it that we cope with but sometimes it just gets too much. It then becomes physical and it is very difficult to deal with. I am sure you would get paid if you were sick though - a sick note is just that, if you had swine flu you'd be signed off and get sick pay, the anxiety is an illness just the same, whatever the root of it.

So, you are off work now? for how long? can you put it out of your mind (i know, easier said than done).

I have been in a very similar situation to you in terms of work, ended up quitting becaues it got too much. I had no come back as i was on a sessional contract. I was not supported and looking back, probably bullied and it made me really ill. I regret leaving, i was good at my job but was unable to do it due to lack of support, now im not sure what im going to do, so this is why i am saying, don't resign - get yourself some space from it. If it turns out in the long run that resigning is the best way to go then thats good, but you need to be sure.

Meditation may help that is a good idea.

I am sorry you are going through stress too.

I did post earlier in the week and everyone was terribly supportive. I just pulled someone on them using racist language in my presence and they in reply put in a grievance about me doing so and a few other petty things which are easily discounted but another lady is backing up racist lady (I think she has something against me in a big way although cannot for the life of me figure what it is) and I end up feeling bullied and colluded against when I just want to get on day to day till I can take maternity leave.

I only get ssp as had debilitating illness last year and a few months off.

I am sorry that you left your job, it's awful feeling got at isn't it. I just don't understand how adults can go this to each other???

Yes I should just forget it until I see occupational health but the bloody unfairness of the situation is just so frustrating.

i have no idea how long they will let me stay off for. I have said I will not continue to share a room with them but think if I even saw them
I would crumble. Stupid, I am normally such an up, bright person. I know one if the women had an issue with me but sort of ignored it thinking it her problem not mine but for them to get together, lie and collude against me has knocked me sideways.

Oh gosh is it a private company? No don't give you notice I agree with the other person. Not over this it seems daft to me. I guess it is just frustrating more as the person is on holiday so you cant get it sorted out. So it is just being dragged out.
Support counts for a lot. I have changed jobs and at the new job the support is almost none which is quite tough being in a new role. I am still relief at my old job and am getting loads of support from these guys. It helps just to talk to people I find or I would of walked from the job (every week) Health problems are keeping me there as it is physically less demanding.
Not sure what the other complaints are against you but do some research am sure you cant be in the wrong for asking someone to not be racist in front of you. I am not an expert though.
Being bullied knocks you down see if for what it is..... about power. Be strong and you will pull through this. keep talking and seeking support

oh and go and eat something! lol and feed your little baby please

Thank you happy.

No is nhs.

I suppose being at home means less support is available but even the thought of returning is to work at present is terrifying.

I am alright when talking about it and know I was right I have policies behind me to back me up.

The other stuff is crap, stuff I can totally refute, just having to go through all the interviews and processes though is terrifying.

I never drag out punishment or issues and I suppose that is one of the things I am having a problem with too.

Sorry to hear of your lack of support at work. A case of you don't know what you've got till its go e!

You are entitle to full pay they say until they sort things which sounds helpful. You can start your maternity leave early to help, meaning little time with just ssp or having to return. Then you qualify for new work full sick pay after your maternity pay if it is not sorted as it will be a new work year and perhaps by then things will have changed or a solution found?

yes or a case of better the devil you know in my case! I just seen your other post on the work section. You sounded much more positive after the interview though maybe have a look over it again to remind yourself.
Sometimes our thoughts run away with us. Especially when there is a problem that needs to be fixed but we cant get find the solution.
At least your grievance is with other workers mine if I put one in it is with the Manager which isn't so easy to swallow hence why I havnt !!!

That's helpful hoops.

It was in the last working year that I was poorly but sickness is apparently on a pro rata basis.

I presume they can't say I can be off on full pay because how it is effecting me then suddenly withdraw that. I have about 3.5 months till I can take maternity leave but at this stage will take it ASAP.

If you hand in your notice it will affect maternity pay as well, especially if you on ssp at times. Whereas if you stay in post ( and in some ways financially being at home on full lay is best thing for you, rather than being signed off with stress!! Perhaps signed off with maternity related issue, such as ante natal anxiety issue better as pregnancy related illness cannot be used against you with OH!)

Goodness happy, it is so much harder with a manager isn't it? Is there anyone to support you with putting in a grievance? Just because they are a manager they shouldn't get away with things.

You are right, I will look through my previous thread, I felt far more positive after I had decided to stand up for myself, just need to get some of that back.

If you need to see OH etc and wait for reports etc that could take some weeks:-) plus you have the right to your union rep with you which can really help!! In fact I would not attend any such meeting myself now without an official representative ( having raised a grievance without support myself and it went horribly wrong!)

Thanks hoops that is great advice. Nhs not known to move quickly so could be the case that it will be weeks!

It's really heartwarming and is really helpful and reassuring having support from you guys. Do thank you.

I know she shouldn't, it is so stressful as it is not sure I want the stress of a grievance too. But its kind of a cycle because if I don't put in a grievance the stress may not change.
Are you with the union Madame? I am not but have thought of joining recently. Not sure if they could help as soon as you join though. I will make that my mission this week to look into it. I remember a while ago with a another manager a colleague brought a union rep with her to discuss a problem. The management was all really worried about it. Maybe thats the way to go ...I hate conflict but guess sometimes it has to be.

That is what union fees are for! Also makes sure proper policies happen, and workers who are under stress are not treated wrongly.

But you may feel empowered that you are doing something if you start the grievance process. I do, well sort of. Is peaks and troughs at present!!

I am not part of a union. DH is willing to employ a lawyer if needs be and I have a fab friend who is very knowledgable in our trust who is willing to come to meetings with me.

If I could just get over the anxiety I will be ok, just easier said than done!