Why don't I have the right to end my own suffering?

[GrottlesofGrog]

Basically I have had my worst
fears confirmed today. I have BPD as well as anxiety and depression and possibly other personality disorders. I found e-mails today from my colleague to my boss stating how crap I am at my job, all sorts of tales and lies and going OTT. Several e-mails. I've not been approached by my boss about this yet but I feel it's coming. I can't accept the humiliation and realisation that I am useless and clearly incredibly hate-able. It was my dream job and I've fucked it up. I want to kill myself. This is the final straw in a long ongoing battle with my own broken brain and I'm done now. I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm thinking calmly and rationally now which is the worst. I live through mental torture every day and it has ground me down to this, I can't deal with this for the rest of my life I just want out. Now. I know I should fight it but hy don't I have the right to end my own life?

:( sounds awful what you are going through. I wish I could make you some tea and give you some malteser cake - pull you through the screen to chat to you in person.

I could spout some trite crap but maybe just maybe you have a sister, like me, and even your diagnosis of BPD and everything else doesnt stop her loving you. And if you did anything to yourself, she would die a little bit too.

My brother has BPD you see. Plus, who cares what they think?

Its a feckin nightmare suffering mental health problems (as I know). They probably don't know and if they did, they would realise how far you have come and what it has cost you to get here. I am proud of you even getting a job like that - shows me you have courage and a hell of a lot of guts even trying. so please don't give up - there is a place for you

Not quite sure what to say.

First off, are you officially diagnosed as BPD, anxiety and depression?
And you see the GP?

second. I know it is difficult, but nothing has actually happened at work.
Yes it may, but for now, nothing has happened.

So, chin up for today. Or at least give it a try for this evening.