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How to deal with dp with anxiety made worse by 3year old who wakes him overnight

3 replies

abigailj · 15/06/2013 21:07

First time posting here, looking for anyone with any suggestions or advice. Dp has been managing our 3 year old, as I tend to have hands full with 7 month old. He is a great, very involved dad, but is driven round the bend by ds's bedtime stalling and calling out, and overnight wake ups (needs a wee, nightmares, needs a cuddle, just crying in sleep). He gets very worked up and down by his bad nights, and grumpy during the day. Seems to me this is partly linked to his recently diagnosed anxiety disorder caused by our 3year old dss health issues.

Sorry if that's not very clear. Tonight we had shouting and crying at bedtime (him shouting, 3 year old crying), I had to intervene and dp has now gone to bed himself at 8pm without eating dinner. This type of response to stress generally happens when DS is ill and he is anxious about him.

I am wondering if this is becoming a more general depression, given he so often gets down about difficult bedtimes now and just goes to bed very early in a huff.

As I say he is a great dad, this afternoon he took both boys out to give me a couple hours break as I have a cold, but this all seems to be getting worse and worse.

Any thoughts v welcome.

OP posts:
AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 16/06/2013 19:44

How stressful for you. It seems like a vicious circle. Could your DS1 be sleeping badly partly because he is picking up on your DH's anxiety?

If your DH is shouting at him before bed I imagine that will reinforce your DS's negative associations with bedtime and so your DS's nighttime behaviour will get worse rather than better. A 3 year old can't help crying in his sleep or nightmares and really needs to feel loved and secure, it isn't 'naughty' behaviour.

It sounds like your DH is really struggling. What help is he getting for his anxiety disorder? This situation must also be so tough for you OP, have you got a friendly health visitor you could confide in?

abigailj · 16/06/2013 21:02

Thankyou so much for responding. I don't really have anyone I feel I can confide in, and my family are all in Australia. Hate to worry them when they cant really do anything to help.

Yes, I think the wake ups may parltly be a response to his moods, though he tries his best to keep things calm for our sons and knows that unhappy bedtimes will probably lead to bad sleep. Mostly he's ok at it,a nd manages night wakings very well and calmly. Our 3 year old is a happy boy and gets lots of loving care.

DH is Talking to an nhs psych and doing cognitive behaviour therapy for the anxiety. When he is a good mood this seems to work. Extra stress however means it all falls apart I think.

I just hope DS is happy and healthy this week, all we need is a health scare to really make things difficult.

Good suggestion re the health visitor, I will look ours up, she was lovely.

OP posts:
AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 16/06/2013 21:16

You sound like a v supportive and lovely wife and mummy. Glad your DH is getting psych help/cbt and hope he starts to feel better soon.

Deffo call your HV if she is lovely and I am here to listen in the meantime if you want to post, just sorry I don't have practical advice! Sending good thoughts for your DS this week.

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