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Feel so fed up I don't even know what title to put here....

4 replies

sensesworkingovertime · 12/06/2013 18:43

Hi all, first, sorry for all of you who have much more serious stuff going on than me and I hope you get all the help you need here and elsewhere.

In a nutshell I have felt increasingly fed up over the last couple of weeks. I worry about my DCs (11 and 14yrs) all the time. My main worry is that they have no company of other children (bar one boy at the weekends) at all. We live at the dead end of a road of mainly elderly people and we HARDLY SEE ANYONE (feels more miserable because even grandchildren don't visit a lot of the neighbours). We certainly don't see any children out and about not just on our road but the adjoining one too, it's like the aftermath of a nuclear attack, even in the summer holidays. I would be fine if I lived here by myself, prob would enjoy the peace but I feel so lonely through my kids, if that makes sense. They are pleasant, quiet and I hope, kind children who don't seemed skilled in making friends either, so consequently they don't have anyone over from school or go to parties or friends houses. It sounds really sad, and it is depressing me (they seem fairly happy though...up to now but I wonder what the future holds).

I think I feel worse because the 6 weeks hols will be here before I know it and it just feels like an unbearable long and lonely time. They do do a few activities but obviously that only takes up a fraction of the time.

I feel like I can't speak to DH about it because he has had anxiety and (undiagnosed) depression issues in the past. I tried to speak to my sis about it once but she basically told me she didn't want to know my worries, saying she had enough of her own. Apart from DH I don't know anyone who is a good listener or who will want to listen to me. I don';t know how to cope with feeling so lonely and sad anymore

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 12/06/2013 20:23

Hi senses sorry to hear you're feeling so fed up at the mo and no need to apologise for posting here! I'm not sure I have a lot of advice, but wanted to offer some support as you sound lonely. Do you have many family/friends locally? Do you work outside the home?

How is your DH now - is he well? I think if he is reasonably well then you should try and share your worries with him. Do you have any family (tho maybe not your sis!) or friends that you could meet up with at the weekends/afterschool - even if not to share all your worries, but to socialise with and spend time with other people?

One possibly random idea is to see if there are any local volunteering opportunities you could do as a family eg during the hols, or that you could do to start to meet some new people. I find the less I socialise the less confident I am about doing it - sometimes we have to take a deep breath and do it anyway.

You could encourage you DCs to invite someone round, someone they like that they'd like to be friends with - I find that helps my DCs form friendships.

But it is also ok to spend time as a family. Are there any outdoor activities you enjoy together. If budgets are not too tight you can plan a day out or two each week intersperced with lazy days/swimming/cycling picnic (apol I don't have teenagers so these may sound naïve!) Find a project at home you could do together?

Sorry if this is a bit random, but you're not alone. Keep posting here if it helps. Take care.

sensesworkingovertime · 13/06/2013 19:53

Thank you Queen for your very kind and thoughtful reply. We do have lots of good times as a family, so we are lucky in that respect I know. We do lots of things together that I never did with my parents. I just don't want them to get too reliant on myself and DH for entertainment.

I have friends at work who I see now and then and sometimes DCs see and another friend with a toddler but they don't live that near and have their own problems/worries/commitments. I don't feel that anyone in my family is in a position, for one reason or another, to want to listen to me or understand. They have a few slightly older cousins who seem to be always socialising and partying, it really highlights that mine are so different!

I have tried to encourage them to invite people for tea but after 11 and 14 yrs I feel like I cannot do much more and they have to 'fend' for themselves a bit to socialise. I have tried pretty hard believe me!

We visit a church regularly and I am thinking of asking for some help there. Your idea of volunteering sounded good but I'm not sure what we could do as a family?

I just find the neighbourhood so lonely and unwelcoming as I said, it's hard to explain, I know one of my neighbours said that her grandchildren haven't visited in 10 yrs, it's depressing. You would think a street of old people would make a bit of a fuss of the only children on it but quite the opposite, a lot of them do not bother to say hello!

Sorry for going on, and thanks again for taking the time to reply.

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ColouringInQueen · 13/06/2013 21:10

Your street does sound really lonely and quiet and I can imagine that's tough. Yes can see your point re: tea and teenagers Wink. Do they have any out of school hobbies/interests that could help?

Your DCs don't have to be party animals but it does helps to develop some social skills in a safe (friendly) environment. I didn't when I was at secondary school - for me going to uni was a lifesaver Wink

I was talking to a friend today, who is now a granny, and she was telling me when her son was 14 he was very quiet and very unconfident about socialising, so her DH took him along to his golf club, he learnt how to play and he learnt how to socialise with people from all ages - apparently made a big difference to him (he's now a good golfer and happy socialising). Maybe you and DH could start something like that with a DC? Just a thought.

I think National Trust do volunteering stuff you could do as a family.
yes here

Church sounds a good place to start too. Are there any groups run from there? music? choir? if that side appeals. Local theatre company?
Sorry random ideas now! Hang in there x

sensesworkingovertime · 14/06/2013 20:27

Thanks once again, you are indeed very kind and thoughtful in your replies and I have listened to your advice and will take a look at some things. For you Queen Flowers

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