I can't fucking do this anymore

[Kyrptonite]

Title says its all really. DCs (2&4) are still awake trashing the house. I've just had to lug the bunk beds away from DD (2) window after finding her on the windowsill.
DS doesn't get tired. He's been shouting, hitting etc (see unanswered cry for help in special needs children)

I'm 6 months pregnant. I have spd and I feel crap. I can't keep going up the stairs to deal with them. DP is on nights. Won't be back until 7:30am. I need to get the bus to work and nursery at 6:55 with 2 children who still aren't asleep.

I had to phone in sick today as DD has asthma and spent all yesterday at nursery in tears with a temp and clearly struggling to breathe out. Manager wouldn't send her home as I work there and i would have to go to.

I can't phone in sick tomorrow. I'm scared there will be a huge backlash. I have my appraisal coming up and everything is going to shit.

I feel like I'm losing my grip on everything right now. I have my driving test in 2 weeks. If I don't pass by September I can't get DS to the school we wanted for him.

I really feel like I'm going to hurt one of them tonight. I smacked them both and went downstairs to calm down. I can hear them trashing their rooms as I type. I don't want to be a shouty parent who smacks.

It's ok Kryptonite. Even if you get them in bed in the next hour you will all get enough sleep to function tomorrow. How about if you take them to your bed? Will they sleep there maybe? How is dd feeling now?
Try to breathe and make a cup of herbal tea for yourself.

DD has been fine since 9am this morning. So it turns out I didn't need to phone in sick today

I'm going to try putting them in with me once I've had a cup of tea. It's not been a good day!

Well at least you know she will be ok tomorrow. I'm sure it did her good to recuperate with mum today. When kids are sick it just makes things so much harder. Try not to worry about how work are interpreting this and what your review will be. Frankly, if you're 6months pg they would be stupid to try to give you a hard time. You just need to make it through the week. Take care of yourself.

just leave them to it for a bit, they will soon run their batteries down. Is there anyone who can pop over at all?

It sounds like you are letting the anxiety of it all and the what ifs, get on top of you. Deal with right now - now this minute, posting on here, go and make a cup of tea, put an extra sugar in it, trite i know but it will work. If you have to have a day off tomorrow, then you have to have a day off - tell them you and DD are ill, you wont be lying!

Will they listen to a story? i know you are shattered but could that help them wind down?

If you really do feel out of control - please phone your DH and get him home.

I would have a chat to your HV, see what local support there is. You have alot on your plate, its not surprising you are not coping, or feel like you aren't.

I think I might have to phone in sick tomorrow and go to a doctor.

That sounds like a sensible plan krypton - the doctor will be able to help you with how you are feeling and point you in the direction of help with the kids. Is there a surestart centre near you?

No sure start. I work 38.5 hours a week anyway so I'm never free during sure start or health visitor times.

Do you have family around who might be able to help? Is there someone in RL you can speak to tonight? x

Not really. MIL is my manager and will think I'm making a fuss over nothing. DM isn't much good at practical support. DP can't help much as he's at work and I have no friends really.

Do you mean your mother in law is your manager? Tell your DP to get her to be reasonable. You're dealing with a lot at the moment, and you need support.

She's the type who would turn up to work if her head was on fire. She doesn't really do support.
DP just tells me to stand up to her but its bloody difficult.

Perhaps if her hair were on fire, but not if she was 6 months pregnant, with 2 kids who need a lot of attention and one of whom is sick. Tell DP that he needs to stand up to her for you, it's unfair to make you shoulder all this yourself. I could never stand up to my MIL.

Kryptonite - hope the night turned out ok and you got some sleep. Best of luck today.

Thank you. I got 3 hours sleep which is better than none. Phoned in sick and have doctors at 10:30. I feel calmer this morning.

I hope you get on well at the doctors. It must be quite difficult with your MIL being your manager. Do you generally get on well with her or is she a bit of a tyrant? As your manager though, she does have a duty of care to you as a member of staff to ensure that you are actually healthy and able to work. See if the doctor will sign you off for a couple of weeks, so you can recuperate.

Am i correct in thinking you work in childcare? I bet you would have lots of useful advice for a mum struggling with bedtimes - its difficult i think when you are in a profession to actually take on board the advice yourself. When i was a vet nurse i was very good at giving people advice on feeding and behaviour, especially dogs - with my own, i manage to tie myself in knots if they so much as puke! Could you take a step back and see if you can find a way to manage bed times? Does your DH work nights all the time? You need to work togeher to find a consistent routine - but you know what, im going to shut up, all this can wait until you are feeling better. You sound exhausted and that always clouds things.

Your MANAGER needs to understand that your health comes first and you MIL needs to be a bit more supportive!

Well done for making doctors appointment, don't be fobbed off, insist on support xx

The dr has referred me to counselling. He offered to sign me off but I'm going to try to work and have being signed off as a backup if things get really bad.
He also referred DS to CAMHS about his ADHD type traits so I finally feel like we are getting somewhere.

This is good news Kryptonite - can you just clarify if you have been signed off though? only this happened to me and i went into work despite having two weeks signed off, it sort of bit me in the arse. If you have been signed off i really think you should not go. Up to you of course. At least you know if things don't improve then you can take some time off.

Is your DH being supportive?

Glad you have a referral for your son

I told him not to sign me off. I'm just keeping knowing I can be as an option if it all gets too much.

DP is being quite supportive. He gets a bit worried over things like this as his xp had severe depression that led to her walking out on DSD at 4 months old and I think he worries it might happen with me.

I hope you can get a counselling appointment soon - it sounds like you are making lots of positive steps. You're doing really well in the circumstances, take care of yourself.