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I think my NCT group friend has late onset PND..

6 replies

BonaDrag · 11/06/2013 10:24

We both have 15 month olds.

We were chatting about how things are now we are both back at work and children in nursery. I?ll try and be brief about what she told me but will try not to dripfeed..

She said she has been feeling a bit miserable for a while- not devastation, can?t get out of bed misery, but medium level, daily grind misery;

Has been fighting with her DH loads, (she said she is generally intolerant of him and while they appear to have the ups and downs like most relationships, she seems unable to stand being in the same room as him one minute, but will feel like she loves him the next;

spending money she doesn't have on things she doesn't need;

Exhaustion;

A feeling of wanting to grab her DS and run away;

Intolerant of PILs for no apparent reason. (She said ?they piss me off just by occupying my sofa?.)

I asked her if the problems stemmed from her relationship but she said honestly, her DP is fine. He?s not the most housetrained (her words) and he can be insensitive but overall, he?ll give her a lift to the station (out of his way) in the mornings and apart from getting p1ssed once a week, is a pretty hands on father. He also works full time to her part time.

She doesn't think she is depressed. She said it?s just life. But I had PND (and not yet fully recovered) and some things she said ring a bell with me.

I said I?d ask MN what they think and I will show her this thread. Obviously I think she needs to speak to GP/Health visitor as a first step but we are wondering if anyone here can offer some advice first.

Thanks.

OP posts:
peggotty · 11/06/2013 10:29

Why don't you get her to complete one of those online depression scale quizzes? (Sorry I can't link - on phone). I think the pnd one is called the Edinburgh scale. It's hard to tell but some things sound a bit 'depression-y' iykwim. When I had it with ds it took me a while to recognise it as it felt different to when I'd had 'normal' depression. The dh getting pissed once a week doesn't sound good tbh Hmm

BonaDrag · 11/06/2013 10:37

That's a good idea, I had to fill in the Edinburgh questionnaire. I will hook it out. Thank you.

I can't really judge whether her DP is being unreasonable given that I had a dreadful relationship with my STBX.

He usually has beers at home while watching football on saturday. He's not out on the town or anything. She drinks a glass of wine once a week!

OP posts:
peggotty · 11/06/2013 11:41

I think some personalities find motherhood harder than others you know. I count myself in this! I'm not laid back and am a worrier. I crave time on my own, which you rarely get with dc obviously. Mine are now 8 and 5 so I'm beyond the 'early years' phase. I do know that I struggled a lot at that time, a lot!! I think ds was a difficult baby and I had dd to look after. I didn't work and had no focus apart from dc. I can look back and see exactly why I developed PND. I hope your friend is ok - it's just relentless with kids sometimes. She's lucky to have someone looking out for her like you are Smile.

working9while5 · 11/06/2013 13:06

I do think it's just life BUT that doesn't mean it isn't PND. PND is just life too Grin.

I'm not being facetious but though lots of us with PND have overlapping symptoms, it's so different too it's hard to even know where it starts and having-a-shit-time-in-life overlaps with it. Loads of people diagnosed with PND have had traumatic births, difficulty breastfeeding, are socially isolated, have a history of abuse or neglect or loss in their own lives etc...

I am sort of the opposite of peggotty for example, I LOVE the day to day of being a mother to young children in lots of ways and how hectic and busy it is but I am sometimes convinced because of my experiences that it is all doomed to be snatched away from me at any minute and then I can get down about that to the extent I lose all feeling and am properly in a major depression.

It is life, it is because life can be shit, it's also most assuredly PND and it's different for every woman. I thought when I had it first time round that it was because I hadn't had The Magical Rush Of Love when ds1 was born or because he was colicky and demanding etc etc but ds2 had a dream birth, I bonded with him instantly and absolutely, he has been a dream baby.. and my PND/POCD was a million times worse. Very hard to draw lines with this sort of thing, who knows?

working9while5 · 11/06/2013 13:08

(PS I only know why I have it because of 25 sessions of CBT, those self-realisations were HARD won, it didn't just strike me why I was so depressed one day.. you just feel shit and you don't know why it's not going away and you realise it's unbearable).

No idea if that is ANY help!

BonaDrag · 11/06/2013 16:16

Your responses are very helpful. Yes, I take your point that PND is different for everyone.
I suppose I am biased because I suffer(ed) PND and possibly I?m looking for the signs in her.

Half the time I think that PND is a rather normal reaction to a life changing event coupled with severe sleep deprivation.

I will send her the link to this thread and come back with her next move.

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