Anybody else want a bigger ego?

[garlicgrump]

My ego is so scared of being big, it's trying very hard to stop me posting this! It's not that I'm especially shy or nervous (though I do have an anxiety disorder, it's pretty non-specific) and I've almost conquered worrying about what people think of me. But what I think of me is a whole mess of crap.

I have never had a big ego. I want one! How to get it? Anybody else?

When you get one, please tell how you did it. I am so jealous of people who are naturally confident. Mind you though I have to say for me, I would much rather have a conversation with a modest person than someone who is over confident and boastful.
Why do you view yourself in such a bad light then?

I think ego size is like willy size... sufficiently large is good, but oversized leads to pain or discomfort for others. I find it hard to be around people with massive egos, and so wouldn't want to lose friends by increasing the size of my own.

Totally agreed, Latte, I just want an average-sized ego!

This was prompted by a throwaway remark of AnyFucker's on another thread. It somehow really stuck with me - I think I'm doing OK work on the fundamentals like self-worth and boundaries, but ego's a slightly different thing, isn't it? I don't mean I want to go around with inflated ideas about myself (though it would make a nice change!) But I do want to believe I'm at least as good, as valuable, as marvellous, as half the population. I'm pretty sure this is how most 'healthy' people feel.

I dunno what gets you there, though? Should we be making this a boasting thread? It's not right to feel so terribly afraid of boasting, is it?

Also, I don't want to pin it entirely on one thing. Some people get strong egos by mastery of their sport or whatever. That must be fragile, not to mention boring for other people ... I definitely had a bigger ego when I was a super-svelte gym bunny, but that messed my values around no end as it was all based on hard work and appearances.

Hmmm!!! So far, I'm coming down on the side of honest, general boasting. What do you think 21st?

Why do you view yourself in such a bad light then?

The usual shit. Being raised by a parent who told me I was crap, being punished for existing, being abused, yadda yadda. I have affirmations posted around my house, which is nice, but I wouldn't say I love myself yet. And I think I should.

You are right, I should stop with the 'should's (argh, I just did it!!)

I struggle daily with Good Enough, yes. I am. Thank you for reminding me.

Intention is all, Garlic , I WILL stop with the "shoulds"! (And i will join you)

Self esteem comes from DOING Esteemable Acts.
You do them already, try and notice them, and praise yourself. It'll be uncomfortable- that'll be your anxiety and upbringing speaking, but sit with those feelings and remember, you really are great.
Go global- look out of the window on the bus and realise that we are all unique and special and you have as much worth as everyone, whatever they look like on the outside.

Good advice :) Welcome to the bus window of I will and I do, Salbertina!

I'm supremely aware of everyone else's uniqueness and specialness ... and seem to exclude myself from it Considerable work required, discomfort notwithstanding. I am great, in my own way. Other people can be great in their ways, there's room for all. Ways in which I'm GREAT are ...

I wouldn't say I love myself yet. And I think I should.

Garlic, there are lots of fab things about yourself that you don't even realise. Give yourself time, it sounds like some self love/self worth is what you need, rather than the ego.