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Need to get going but can't find any strengths..

5 replies

Showmesunshine · 06/06/2013 09:34

Year and a half ago I moved to a new area with my 11 year old DS. I moved because of a new job and the opportunities I will bring in improving my career prospects. I had a BF but split with him last November after 3 years. I've realised at the time that it wasn't for me. Unfortunately, i think at the time of moving I had a 'rose tinted glasses' on and chose a village location and a 3 bed house hoping that we could start a family together. He was travelling every weekend. Didn't work out. But I have ended up feeling totally isolated, stressed in work - huge workload, pressure etc. Total luck of support network and struggling to cope on my own. My BF have stayed in the background wanting for us to get back together but I've stayed strong and determined to move on despite personal difficulties. However, in March this year I was told that the house I am renting is up for sale and it got sold a month ago. I have to move out by the end of June. Since then, I've ended up getting back together with an ex. Mostly because of feelings of desperation and hoping he could help. Things were going down hill for me for a long time but really took turn for the worth in March, when I ended up suffering from all kind of illnesses, from heart palpitations to colds, flu, allergies, lack of energy, lack of sleep.. You name it. Took time off work, which made things even worth and still at a point where I couldn't sort the mess out from the backlog in March. Totally stressed in work. Totally stressed at home. I have always considered myself to be a strong, fearless, positive person. Very ambitious and a high achiever. Now I am at a point where I feel totally exhausted all the time and struggling to motivate myself. My GP wanted to prescribe AD's back in March but I refused as dont believe in them and didn't believe I could possibly suffer from depression. I now think I was in denial. Knowing myself and my abilities I find it shocking that I just can't pick myself up. In fact I am sinking deeper and deeper. I am scared for the future as have to move out but can't make a decision as to what to do. I am struggling financially. In an effort to improve things I've applied for a better paid and a more senior and interesting post closer to London and have an interview at the end of June. I want the job but scared that a move to yet another unfamiliar area might make things worth. But it can improve things also. I have friends back where I used to live and a property but no job there and limited career prospects. My BF wants me to live with him and claims he is committed, although so far I have not seen any actions or efforts to really provide any practical help. He rents a room and yet even after saying that he wants us to live together he did not make any effort to organise anything for us to live together. In fact, from what I've seen so far, he has always struggled financially, borrowing a lot of money from me etc. When confronted, he states that he couldn't do anything because I am not sure what I want!

I really need to get moving, prepare for the interview, pack, sort out final bills, storage etc. I can't make a decision though. I am now hating the job I am in and feel like I am ready to pack it in but I can't rely on the BF. In fact I think he is probably a part of the problem now, because it confuses me in terms of responsibility and ongoing hope that he would somehow rescue me. However, I do not feel strong enough to do anything about it. I also realise that now is not a good time to make decisions, due to the way I feel. I am thinking of putting things into storage for a couple of months untill I know what to do, hoping that the time will show. But I dread going back to work (been off for a couple of weeks). I feel under pressure to perform well at work though, as will need a good reference.

I am beginning to resent myself even, for being so weak and not getting on with it, not dumping the BF, not being able to make the decision, not pulling myself out of this. I am also feeling guilty because I feel like I am neglecting my DS, not having energy to do much with him or spend quality time together. I don't want to be a burden on my friends, who I only speak to on the phone. Always looked after myself well but now neglecting my appearance, my self esteem has hit rock bottom I think.

Felt really low yesterday and ended up taking depression tests on line. Scored 'severe depression' on all and felt even more distressed but also somewhat releaved... Got an app with GP this PM but not sure what he could advise.. Writing this makes me feel like I am at a dead end... Any advice out there???

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 06/06/2013 11:27

Hi showmesunshine sorry to hear you're having a really tough time. I don't have a load of advice but wanted to offer you some support. I think its good that you have a GP appointment, in my limited experience depression does sound likely. What are your thoughts on ADs now? I started taking them earlier this year and they have helped me feel more clear-headed, able to think straighter and make decisions and a bit less fraught. They can help lift your mood enough for you to be able to tackle some of the things you've talked about. As can having someone to talk to - given your isolation it's worth mentioning this to the GP too. You've a lot on your plate at the moment, but there is a way through, it will improve in time. I have to go out now, but hopefully some more lovely mnetters will be here soon. Take care x

Showmesunshine · 06/06/2013 12:21

Thank you for your support ColouringInQueen! Much appreciated! I have told my GP about my problems but his only advice was to take AD's, which at the time I wasn't keen on. Having scared myself last night with the online tests I started considering it. Having said that, I am still not 100% on taking them. I know what to do, it's just finding the motivation and the strengths to do it. Having seen my BF's 'actions' I don't think I can,or want to, rely on him. Or indeed tie myself to him for life. oh the disaster it could brinh!! It's my desperation talking. And frustration. I get 6 sessions of counselling free through my employer so going to ring them today. Might cancel my GP app today as cant see what advice other than AD's he could give me.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've been through worse in my life and tackled it by myself. Maybe I am panicking for nothing, as sometimes it is reaching that deep down point, the dark place, that can help you to bounce back again. I think I've reached it :) and there is no further 'down' I could get. I am going to struggle through this by myself I think. I have strong Buddhist beliefs and need to start seeing this situation as a personal challenge, which will strengthen me, rather than a difficulty.

Funny though. I've developed this allergy under my left eye, which caused dry skin and wrinkling. Struggled for couple of months. Finally end of last week reached a point where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror and immediately got scared thinking that this is the end of my looks, I am ruined. The only man who will have me is the BF! How is that for low bloody self esteem??? Went to the doctor on Tuesday and cried my eyes out. She took one look at me and prescribed antihistamines and a steroid cream which cleared this within a day. My eye is back to normal now and the elasticity returned, making the deep wrinkles disappear. I am thinking, my god, how shallow could I get??... But I guess this is all part of one problem.

OP posts:
Showmesunshine · 06/06/2013 12:27

It's like I was scared of dying when I had heart palpitations. Everything just gets magnified when you are under stress!!

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 06/06/2013 17:43

You're welcome. Yes everything becomes bigger than it is when you're very stressed.

I would keep the GP appt. I never used to be very keen on anti-depressants too, so I understand where you're coming from. I have refused them in the past. What is it about them that you're not keen on? I wouldn't want to push you into them, but I have found them useful to get some headspace and strength to get some stuff done. They are by no means a magic wand, they take the edge off and you often have side effects for the first two weeks. Low self-esteem is a typical part of depression though. FYI NICE recommend ADs plus counselling as the optimum treatment for depression.

The Buddhist beliefs will stand you in good stead too. But I would say be kind to yourself. Lots of "shoulds" are not helpful says my counsellor. Great to hear you have some counselling options - that would be a really good move. Take care.

ColouringInQueen · 06/06/2013 17:44

realised its a bit late re: the GP apt, but anyway, take care.

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