Mum on and off has had short periods if time when basically she wouldsay everyone around her for crackling her up and that things were so bad it was my/dad's/my sisters fault (her divorce), she was divorcing my dad and that she need to go respite care home/spain/devon to recover. She never went and and things would get back to being lovely in a day our two.
Over the 7 years things have got progressively worse. The circumstances and progress of my divorce were horrific (mental, financial and emotional abuse and exH turned out to be concealing criminal activities) and she seemed to "get stuck" on the bad bits and not be able to move on. She could talk for continuously about the same things and if you asked her to stop she should you weren't taking her feelings into account. she would tell me I couldn't possibly do things myself (take the kids out, write a solicitors letter) and I needed her "help". If I had a different view of things I wa s awful an ungrateful daughter and given what a mess I had made in my marriage I couldn't possibly be right about anything. I came quite a shock when I found out I could do things by myself and not mess things up.
Tge lovely times were getting shorter smd the horrible times longer. her hearing was going(she blamed dad for not telling her things etc etc) had titnitus in one ear and she was forgetting things(dad had moved stuff). it was an awful time with mum, I genuinely had considered breaking contact. I couldn't core with being told regularly how awful I was and it was all my fault she was cracking up. If I didn't tell her stuff that had happened or gone wrong I was keeping secrets from her if I did I was cracking her up.
Then Mum was diagnosed with a benign brain tumour. Specialist advised not to operate as it wasn't affecting her quality of life. Thing is she refused to take dad to the initial appointment and wouldn't tell tge specialist about the extent of pain, dizzinessetc etc.year ago. Dad wouldn't say because he was worried it would upset mum and she wouldn't take him anymore.she was prescribed a pain killer with anti depressive effects.
the effect of the medication was wonderful I got my mum back. Dad was happy and mum was relaxed and she actually
A couple of months ago she stooped taking it because it "made her thought processes fuzzy" and she couldn't get up early in tge morning (she's long retired. Things have slowly got bad again. me and my siblings now won't tolerate hearing her complain endlessly about how awful the other one was and she feels we're all turning against her. I've kinda tried back out from spending time with her since a couple of weeks ago when there was an awful argument.
Which is sad because then I don't see dad and we alll are genuinely a close family
I asked my dad today whether she could be persuaded to start taking the tablets again, he said that's a little complex. he said after not taking any for months She took 5 yesterday, she's meant to take 1. It doesn't seem enough to be a deliberate overdose but is clearly deliberately more than she is meant to take. I don't know what to think about that. Mum looks ill
I'm worried about my mum, but I'm really angry with her as well. I'm angry that she doesn't seem to recognise there's a problem and certainly won't do anything about it because none of it is her fault as she is just the victim in this. I hate the way she treats my Dad and runs him down to me, despite the fact that they clearly love each other very much. And I'm frustrated with my dad for letting himself be treating this way, and actually sometime for letting her treat Dsis and me (my brother more or less has just backed out and doesn't see her very much at all, they are always "busy") Then sometimes I wonder if it really is all my fault because of the stress of everything that has happened in
my marriage/divorce/difficult life (on top of everything else Ds was Diagnosed with life long SN in this period). BUt most of all I just want my Mum back and I'm really angry that for the sake of feeling a little groggy we are all going through stuff that really shouldn't be anywhere near as bad as it is. I really miss my Mum.
If you got through all that, well done, sorry. I'm having trouble not crying tonight and really need to get it all out.