BDD

[Coffee1Sugar]

I have body dysmorphic disorder. I'm a size 8 but since having my daughter I despise my body. The stretch marks, the wobble on my tummy, the lack of volume in my breasts. But I work full time and have a lovely partner. The problem is I don't go to anything social as anxiety sets in that people are staring at me and thinking I'm fat. I made a conscious effort to ask my mum to babysit a few times this month so I can go and do things with friends including a night out for my birthday in a fortnight. Today is a friends BBQ and I feel sick already going. Nothing i own makes me look skinny. I eat healthily and run once a week. It's irrational but I can't shift it. I had to turn around en route to parent and toddler swimming this morning. Dp usually takes her but today I had to and the thought of stranger seeing me in a swimsuit made me cry. We are ttc no2 now and I'm sure the stress isn't helping.

I categorically will not take drugs for this. Doctors haven't even suggested it anyway. I've had CBT which helped a bit.

Does anyone else have experience of this? Any wise words?

Sorry sweetie I don't have any wise words as I don't have any experience of what you're going through, other than feeling people are staring at me and thinking I'm fat. But that is because I am overweight, which you obviously aren't. I just wanted to let you know that there are others out there who suffer the same, and you will find someone to help you cope with how you're feeling.
Sending big hugs x

Hey, that sounds really tough. Has your gp recommended anything else? From personally experience I've found person centres psychotherapy more helpful than cbt but if its working for you that's fab.

If you want to look up a personal therapist to complement/build on your cbt then google the counselling directory.

Good luck!

I was thinking, if CBT has already helped a bit, could you identify the part(s) of it that particularly helped you and continue that route?

It must be so hard for you. Wishing you well.

Yes linerunner I have When pregnant with dd my ExP kept telling me how vile I was and how My growing body made him want to throw up. Also that I had to lose all the pregnancy weight (2.5 stone) in a month.

I found the strength to leave him when my daughter was just two weeks old. I met my dp when she was 18mo and every single day he tells me I'm beautiful. Recently I've started to believe that he means it. But all the emotional torture from my ex has left heavy scarring.

Coffee You are stepping into the light, truly. An ExP like that can leave some very deep wounds. And they do need time to heal. (And they are not scars, they are wounds that will heal up.)

Give yourself time, and love - and that includes self-love - and make a point of enjoying finding pleasure in your family and even little things like finding a 'new friend' on MN you can chat to occasionally.