Bipolar

[MoelFammau]

I've FINALLY after 2-3 years of wretchedness hit an almighty high. It's so fantastic I never ever want to sleep and waste it. It's so so addictive and brings back the memories of previous highs with such clarity. When I'm in a low, I can only remember the lows... The last 'low' was the longest I've ever dealt with, it made me forget I was bipolar (with hope of an 'up') and crushed the very soul out of me.

I've been offered medication to level me out but I have to be honest - I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP THE CHANCE OF FEELING LIKE THIS. Even if it's for 1 day a year, I need it. It's a tough drag up from the bottom but Christ the view is so worth the pain.

Does anyone understand this?

Yes, I do. I know exactly what you mean about the high feeling so, so good you don't want to waste it. For me though, it seems that all too quickly things spin out of control, and I get the horrid feeling you get when on the 'up' slope of a roller coaster- everything seems to be heading for the huge drop, with no way to get off. And then of course the drop starts to happen- my 'please can we just stop the world, I wanna get off moment'- before I crash down into the hateful low, and stay there seemingly forever.

My highs are fairly intense, but don't last for anything like as long as my lows. However, and it's a big however, the benefits of taking meds for me mean signicantly fewer, and less intense lows. And whilst it comes with a price, namely not having anything like as intense a high as I did have, it's a price well worth paying in my view, both for the effect on me, and also on my family.

It's your decision though. Like I say, for me, missing out on the intensity of the high is worth it in terms of the benefits I get from stability.

Thank you for answering this!