Can't go into my bedroom after remembering rape.

[justbroken]

I've been having flashbacks and remembering things I had 'forgotten', I managed to talk about them and other things yesterday and feeling less trapped.

Me and my DS have been sleeping in the 'spare' room, I moved all the junk that was in there into my room a while ago (3rd time I've moved into it in the past 2 years). The doctor wants me to start medication so DS has to go into his own bed. His bed is in my room, it won't fit in spare and he won't sleep in a seperate room from me.

I went in to sort it out so we can move back in and I'm crippled with panic attacks going in :( DS's dad raped me in there, that's how he was conceived. I'd blocked it out and now I don't know what I can do :(

How can I get back into this room?

I just wanted to give you a hug. Hopefully someone will be along who is more help.

It must be very, very difficult for you to face that room and I admire your determination to face it head on; I have so much respect for you. Have you received any counselling? If not, your doctor should be able to refer you. It really does help.
In the meantime, is there anything that may help a bit? Maybe re-decorating that room? I know it isn't much and it doesn't change what happened there but it could be a good place to start?

It's just been painted and wallpapered & I switched the beds (put spare room bed in there). Thinking maybe I should get new bedding (different style to my plain white)/carpet/curtains might help, the room needs it anyway but I'm skint.

I'm under crisis team at the moment, I do want to get some counceling but have only just manages to tell one person about my history of abuse/rape I just freeze whenever the crisis team ask questions.

Who redecorated it?
Did you find that a problem?

Could you also have the furniture moved round, to make it as different as possible?
You could also consider asking a vicar, or a religious person to come in and to pray about the room for you? That might help.