Social Anxiety - do you ever recover? Is so how long til you felt better?

[KellyGarcia]

I have had treatment and counselling for social anxiety as it got so bad I could not leave the house. That was a few years ago. I have been a million times better but I am not on any ADs now and am feeling myself slipping a bit.

I noticed today when a mum at nursery asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee while DSs were in this afternoon. I immediately panicked. I have spoken to her - small talk - for the past 2 years since DS1 and her DS are same age so I know her a little bit but we are not friends. I have DS2 anyway and he is really clingy so I made my excuses re DS2 but was like "another time??" and she was like "No problem" and I saw her heading off with another mum.

The problem is that I am always complaining that I find it hard to make friends because of the SA but when something like this happens I ALWAYS say "Oh... noooo.... I have XYZ to do" and it is obvious I don't. I just look like an antisocial bitch (which I am). Then I am asked out less and less then I am sad that the other mums (who I small talk with) are now friends and do mum stuff together or mum and kids stuff and I am left out.

I am kicking myself. What is WRONG with me? Why am I like this?

I get like that and sometimes have to give myself a kick to say yes to stuff. I try to let myself have days where I don't socialise just because I don't feel like it because if I didn't then I'd feel I'd slipped back into the anxiety every time I said no. Does that make sense?

I'll also plan for the next time I see that person to see if they want to go for a coffee. e.g. if I've turned friend A down one day then I'll think "Oh I'll see A on Monday and I'll take everything I need so I can be out longer and invite her out"

Thanks for the reply. The problem is that I am starting to feel panic at the thought of going for a coffee with her. I have been spending a lot of time on my own (with the kids) lately as the in laws/relatives have been away on holidays and OH has bee working late so I have kind of got used to being on my own lots again. When the other mum asked me out (and it was actually round to her house for a coffee) I got that feeling of dread again. The thought of seeing her again is making my stomach flip and I even went the long way to collect DS from nursery to avoid her but OF COURSE I saw her on the way home and she just talked to DS on the way past so now I am paranoid she is ignoring me cos I knocked her back.

It is a vicious circle isn't it... I actually want to hide now... I hate this.

Oh, AND I am getting the old feeling of wanting to literally put my head down and run away when someone talks to me for longer than "Hello.... rotten weather today.... How are the boys?" then panic! Run away! feeling becomes overwhelming and I start to stutter. My mind races so badly that I find it increasingly difficult to carry on the conversation and there is always a massive pause where I forget a word - an everyday word, not that I am trying to think up something intellectual to say. I will suddenly just clam up in the middle of a sentence and either just go silent with "rabbit in the headlights" face on :o or I will blank and then say something REALLY STUPID and you can see on their faces they are going "Okaaaaayyyy....."

I know this is a minor issue to others but it is really starting to interfere with my life again... I sooooo don't want to have to go back to the GP again. They will just send me back to counselling after months of waiting.

Why not be honest to this lady.

I do now. I hate having arrangements scheduled in my diary. And I say to people ' I am so sorry, I'm having a tough time at the moment. I have these little panicky episodes that freak me out a bit and I struggle to be in social situations. I can never tell how I am going to be. But if its ok with you I would really like to catch up for a coffee sometime soon. Thanks for being so understanding'

You will be surprised at the reactions. No one is going to turn round and Say NO,

Try it out and good luck.

It's not good for anxiety to be cooped up at home. Loneliness leads to depression or agrophobia! So get out there girl even if its a stroll around the park

Thanks. I am always too embarrassed to tell anyone - I always think they are just going to think I am a weirdo... Which they probably do anyway!

I have no problem with leaving the house now - I went through all that the last time. It is the fear of interacting with people that is sneaking up again. I love getting out for a long walk with the buggy.

I suppose there is no real answer to my question - it is an ongoing struggle.

Since I have started telling people the truth I cannot believe how many people have said that they have also had an episode in their lives that has caused anxiety.

There are so many people on meds you would be surprised.

I got tired of making excuses and cancelling and letting people down. Now I do what I can. And without the pressure of having to do things I find I can do more.

I feel 90% improved.

You are not a weirdo. Hugs to you

Hi op, if one of the mums at school whomi asked for coffee, said to me that they had social anxiety, I would not think they were weird, or feel sorry for them. I would understand why they said no to coffee, so then I would keep asking them until I caught them on a good day.
And I would ask them if coffee at my house, their house, a cafe or a thermos in the park would be best.

Like you said op, it is an ongoing struggle, but I know for periods in the past socialising became easier and actually became fun, so I believe it is possible to get over it. Looking back it became easier because I was forced to see people more. The more you avoid people the worse it gets. Not avoiding people when you feel inadequate is so hard.

Could you start small and spend more time with people you are comfortable with, or easier social situations like ordering a tea in a cafe?

I would be wary of who you tell about your social anxiety. Plenty of people will understand and be kind, but the odd one won't, and may leave you feeling worse. Sounds like you are good at hiding the panic, which is why you worry that people think badly of you. Most people are not judging others anyway, and if they are alright, they will just think you are busy or not needing a new friend.

I'm happier outdoors, so (haven't for ages but) sometimes walk with other mums. If you don't feel up for the coffee, could you suggest the mum joins you for a walk another time?

Or could you afford a private counsellor to keep you on track? You might not need to go often, but would have her on standby...

i could of wrote that post

know how you feel if that helps x