Eating disorder, panic attack (and now back in agony), anxiety, feel so ill, hand holding please, please, please :(

[changeditforthis]

Name changed for this.

In my head I thought I was well over my ED. But this last month with lots of work stress I have been finding it increasingly hard to eat and increasingly easy to be triggered.
Then the last couple of weeks I have been so anxious, this has been worse in the mornings, and I haven't slept well. Never been like that before.

Yesterday I was even more anxious, got into work, started shaking like crazy, couldn't breathe, thought I was going to die, heart racing like mad, arms and face numb/tingly, I didn't even know this is what a panic attack is like, it was the scariest thing ever. One of my work friends said I had gone an awful colour and that panicked me still further, I got SO scared. Work were really kind, they called an ambulance but (cost cutting?!?) they just spoke to my boss and to me a bit (I could hardly speak) and told me to visit my GP within 24 hours.

Finally managed to calm myself down enough to get home in a horrid state. Went to GP who has given me diazepam, the women on reception at the doctors was so vile to me I nearly cried.

Left the doctors and developed the most crippling back pain ever. Quick google seems to suggest this can happen after a panic attack, scary, 'spose they really do have a massive effect on your body.

Last night I took 10 mg diazepan but hardly slept at all, was awake most of the night still in a horrible anxious state. Back in agony wasn't helping.

I don't know how I am going to do anything today, I am home with my 2 DCs. They gave me breakfast in bed as they think I just have back ache, couldn't eat it though but don't want to get sucked back into ED again. I can feel I am losing weight quickly and know that I also have a trigger point when I start almost unconsciously binge/purging, I don't want to get there again, feel so ill, am so scared it could happen again, and am in so much pain :(

Dont know anything about ED,or much about anxiety, but will bump for you.

Is there anyone there will you apart from your DC?

with not will

Thank you. Got a friend coming round later but right now I just want to be on my own. Feeling a bit tripped out on meds too

Hi just felt I needed to reply to you I suffer from depression and anxiety so I sort of know how you feel, please go back to a sympathetic gp and consider maybe a beta blocker for your anxiety, see if you can have some counselling through your gp, take a few days off work if you can, and try to have people popping in everyday so you aren't alone, I am also on a AD called sertraline which also helps with anxiety and have found both meds to be really good along with the counselling, don't isolate yourself keep in contact with your gp. Xxx

Thanks. There is no way I can work for the next few days at least going back to drs on Monday when self certification ends to see about work and also meds. I have been on fluoxetine for years and was always reasonably okay on it, certainly only never had anything like this. But I came off it in January. I was so hoping for a med- free life.

Sorry - meant to be :( I wasn't giving you a 'disbelieving look'.

Don't worry I'm on my iPhone so can't really see what face it is

Whenever my anxiety and depression has got worse my back had always 'gone' the gp had said that stress can manifest itself in many ways and for me back pain always seems to go hand in hand with an increase of anxiety!

It is a bit weird - and very annoying of my body! Crippling back pain is the last thing I need! I can barely walk!

Hi there

So sorry you are going through this.

I to have suffered with panic attacks and anxiety. Mine causes neck and shoulder pains. It is because you are holding your muscles so tight you are unable to relax. The diazepam is a muscle relaxer. So this should ease your pain and calm your panic.

People who suffer anxiety and or depression are usually worse in the mornings. When we wake up we 'check in' and ask ourselves how anxious we feel this morning.

I also lose all colour from my face when I have panic attack. I look grey.
I become very hit and sweaty but also chilled. Heart races and I can't breathe, feel sick and need to run to the loo.

It GETS BETTER I promise you.

You have to tell yourself that it is JUST a sensation. A sensation of fear that starts a cycle of real symptoms which then cause more fear and so the cycle continues.
So you say to yourself it is just fear. I'm not scared. I accept in going to feel a little odd fir a few minutes but it WILL pass. I am not dying. I survived the last ones and I will survive this one. So you accept your fear and sit it out. You DO NOT escape from your situation because then you have to start the process again.

It works trust me xx

Thanks Funnyfishface, I will try and keep some of these things in mind.

Am still feeling incredibly anxious unless I have the diazepam, but I dosed up on it and pain killers for my back last night so had a better night's sleep.

My friend around the corner also brought dinner around yesterday, she knows about my ED history and it was so kind of her I made myself eat a reasonable amount although appetite still non existent.

I'm so angry with myself, I had a load of lovely walks planned with the DCs the half term but now I can barely walk in the house let alone out of it :(

You shouldn't be angry at yourself. You can't help not feeling well. I am lucky that my children are older and dont need entertaining.

What a lovely gesture from your friend. I'm so pleased you ate some.

Keep going you will get there. Xx

Don't be cross with yourself in the long term the dc won't remember that you couldn't do much this half term, do a bit of Internet grocery shopping get some treats in if you can and a cheap DVD and they will be fine honestly we've all been there, this will pass.

Thank you :) I didn't even think to do shopping online even though I often do!

Have felt like I am having a heart attack today, feels so horrid, I'm pretty confident I'm not, but it is so scary, this whole thing is fucked up and horrible. The ED I can cope with, dealt with it for long enough, but this is so new to me and so very unwelcome!

Missing dinner with friends tonight too - another thing I had been looking forward to :(

Ran out of diazepam last night, mega anxious today, drs tomorrow and so worried they won't sign me off work at all. Really feel like I just need a bit more time :(