Really want to hurt myself

[justbroken]

I am desperate to hurt myself, everytime I look over at the kitchen Im staring at the knives. But I know if I do SS will take DS (I'm a single parent), my GP told me this outright before sending me to a&e on Saturday.

They sent me to crisis team recommending admission but they let me go home because they know DS is the only thing keeping me from killing myself right now and by that point I was much calmer and knew I had to say the right things.

DS needs me, I can't die but I have been constantly wanting to cut myself, punish myself but the hospital called SS and I'm petrified they're going to take him.

Why do you want to punish yourself?

Am confused about whether ss have been called or not.

do you have anyone you can ttalk to?

I know exactly how you feel. You're focussing on the right things. Your ds needs you more than anyone in the world so you need to live for him. Remove anything you think might trigger self harm thoughts and put it out of eye sight. Then find something to do with your hands. I started doing cross stitch and knitting because I couldn't concentrate on anything for long.

Something that helps me is to put an elastic band round my wrist and flick it when I feel the need to feel something. It doesn't hurt much but just gives me a little ping - something to focus on.

Is there anyone in real life you can talk to? If not please ring the Samaritans and talk to someone in confidence. Talking things through will really help.

The psychiatrist from a&e contacted them according to the crisis team. My gp said that SS would be sent out over bank holiday but haven't heard anything. Thankful but so scared of tomorrow I'm shaking :(

I have spoken to a friend a (very) little about abuse as a child but haven't told her 'the rest' and don't feel like I can admit to her how I feel. She's the only one who knows I spent Saturday in GPS/hospital but I didn't tell her what I admitted to them about how I actually feel. She's also the only person I've ever told about that but my head is pilled with other things but I've spend nearly 20 years locking things away I wish I could say these things. It's like someone's taken a key and just unl

Thank you sheerwill. Have got an elastic band on now, helps a little.

The psychiatrist from a&e contacted them according to the crisis team. My gp said that SS would be sent out over bank holiday but haven't heard anything. Thankful but so scared of tomorrow I'm shaking :(

I have spoken to a friend a (very) little about abuse as a child but haven't told her 'the rest' and don't feel like I can admit to her how I feel. She's the only one who knows I spent Saturday in GPS/hospital but I didn't tell her what I admitted to them about how I actually feel. She's also the only person I've ever told about that but my head is pilled with other things but I've spend nearly 20 years locking things away I wish I could say these things. It's like someone's taken a key and just unlocked a box where I hide it.

Thank you sheerwill. Have got an elastic band on now, helps a little.

I've went to phone crisis team a number of times but too scared.

Do call the crisis team of you are under them, that is what they are there for.

It is standard practice for a health visitor (if child under 5) or SS to be contacted if a parent is in a&e for self harm or suicidal issues. Not just for you, part of normal procedures these days. The fact they not come out straight away is good news, but they will probably see you at some point to see of they can offer you some extra support. Hope you can ask for what you need.

Can you find some things that can distract you every time you are tempted to hurt yourself? Some people find making a distraction box helps, putting into it what works for them... Sch as photo of loved one, crayons and pictures or patterns to colour, play dough, a hobby activity, anything that can help distract at all.