Giving Up The Kids And Working on Getting Better With A Completely New Fresh Start

[SomethingsUp]

Extreme measures I know, but I am really just failing to recover my mental health at all, over the past seven years it has been crippling, and over my whole life it has affected me. I have other health problems and one challenging child who is being watched for diagnosis. And now my illness is affecting the kids, and enough is enough.

I'll be homeless at the end of this month and haven't been able to sort anything permanent out yet, so the children are both being sent to stay with their fathers, one on a more permanent basis and one for at least the next three months.

I have a lot to do in these three months. A medication change, which may or may not require hospital. Starting therapy for childhood abuse. Seeing the Autism team and being tested to see if I am on the spectrum. Find a house and move into it.

My moods are fairly crippling at the moment, I am finding it hard to achieve much due to pain levels combined with low motivation. I've had a bereavement and a family member given a terminal cancer diagnosis, in the past couple of weeks. I am finding positivity difficult, but I am really having to try because I don't want to end up without my children because I couldn't pull myself together.

So this is the onwards and upwards thread, to try and catalogue the steps I am taking.

Support is welcome, really welcome. I'm really quite afraid I can't do it.

Just wanted to let you know how brave I think you are. Best of luck!

So the past couple of days have been pretty wrought emotionally and hard physically. I am so lucky to have two friends who have been so helpful I don't feel like I deserve them.

On Monday we managed to transport my mother's furniture back to her house, so now I have to save and buy - a bed for myself, a fridge, a washing machine, a sofa, and an iron and board. She's keeping my freezer so I don't lose all of the stockpiled stuff I have.

Today, all day we packed and loaded the truck. We only got half done by the time we had to leave, so I need another day to pack and take stuff back to the storage unit. I also have to transport DD's stuff to her dad's (an hour away), and take the last couple of white goods to my mum's.

I've had a threatening message from my ex-carer who I had to give her notice, saying awful things about me and saying she has reported me to the school, the DWP and my care company, saying I am a liar and working as a prostitute. Not very nice at all, so may have to have police involvement if she continues. She was terrible at her job, and I never said a bad thing to her about being terrible, and let her leave with four weeks pay in lieu of working. But she heard from my son's stepmum I said she was terrible and now she's harassing me. It's left me a little shaken, but I am having to put it into a box to worry about later as packing comes first.

Had a tearful moment with my mum as she took my DD for half an hour on Monday so that I could nap and she's so upset about my stepdad you can see it, and she's torn about not being able to help me move, but I told her to worry about caring for him and I could manage myself, even though I don't feel like that most of the time, and I am having to up my doses of anti-anxiety stuff to get by.

Dropped my DD off yesterday, sent her dad some money and did an Asda shop so he has stuff and doesn't feed her all rubbish. Taking the rest of her stuff on Thursday. And hopefully can help her dad decorate the room for her. I sit on a stool and paint the bottom half, lol.

Tomorrow is another day packing, so I'll be out for more black bags and boxes. I'm quite chuffed that I am managing personal hygiene again as I wasn't for a wee while and now I am being much more productive because I feel better.

I want to try and see my boy for a while before I go wandering. Hope I can fit that in.