Now I know why I never asked for help!

[fedupoffighting]

For a lot of years I have struggled massively with depressive feelings (never diagnosed as depression). I have been through a lot of 'phases' and times where I have de-railed quite dramatically. Always felt like the black sheep, everyone was normal except me etc. Its something me and mum regularly talk about now but never did.

I have spoken to my doctors a few times about how I've felt and was once sent to an assessment counselling session (6 weeks after I called the dr I thought I was having a breakdown and was frightening myself with suicidal thoughts). The woman at the assessment session told me she wasn't qualified to 'deal with my issues' but suggested I had bipolar and I would be referred somewhere else .
I was never referred elsewhere and I never followed it up (2 years ago).

I self referred in January this year to the local primary care mental health team and received a letter last week apologising for the delay but they couldn't find me an appointment so I would just wait on the list.
So last Thursday I went to my GP and told them everything, pretty much from the last 8 years (I couldn't stop!) she gave me some antibiotics for a chest infection I have and booked me an appointment for the 29th. She didn't really take in what I had said and I just felt stupid.

Cue me calling the doctors today because I can feel myself spiralling, not getting any help and I'm a single parent to my 5yo DS. Doctor has prescribed me Fluoxetine for a month and that was that. This was all over the phone, I explained that I don't feel this is depression, I show all signs that point to bipolar II, am quite worried about just taking anti depressants. He assured me all was fine and that I'd stay on them for 6 months.

Having now read the Fluoxetine leaflet they say not to take if you have or suspect hypomania and there is so much research on the net that says not to. I'm so tired of asking for help and not getting anywhere. I feel like I'm stuck in this black, black hole, like somehow I have to prove how much I want help by begging for it. I can feel so much pressure and anger building up. I am so fucking frightened of losing my grip on reality (wouldn't be the first time).

Any advice on what to do would be greatly received and I'm so sorry for the mammoth post!

That's a bit of a difficult one. I hope someone comes along who can suggest something helpful. Certainly if you feel worse go back to them, in theory they can ask for your appointment to be brought forwards.

First things first: What makes you think bipolar?

Its been mentioned a few times by different (professional) people. I never looked into it as I just thought I was a stroppy arsed teenager to be honest. Having looked into it a little these past few months, bipolar II describes my personality and ups/downs very well. I would be quite happy for the dr to say its this, that, the other. As long as they listened

I'm not sure that this is helpful as such, but am checking in on this thread as I've had similar experiences on the past where GPs have been quite snotty about what they seemed to perceive as 'self-diagnosis' - especially regarding MH issues.

I've used Fluoxetine in the past, though, and had what is described as a bipolar reaction to it: I respond very quickly to it, physically and psychologically. I've been able to monitor this, and so control it, and for a while just managed my own dosage, which worked quite well.

That said, I also had several MH professionals tell me that the response I had to Fluoxetine was 'impossible' and that I was imagining my experience of this AD.
... and so we move on a few years and the response I had is recognised as a typical bipolar response.

Don't know if this helps, OP, but thought I'd share my experience.
I guess I wanted to mention it as I find it curious that MH professionals have seen fit to deny the validity of patients' accounts of their own experience. So I see where you're coming from...

Thanks LastMango it does help, just to know what other people have been through. As I said, this has been going on for many, many years probably from childhood looking back but I've never openly spoken to anyone about it.
I'm glad it worked for you, hopefully I can manage the same until I can get something more helpful sorted. I've read a lot that say it can bring on manic feelings or episodes and can alter the state of your MHI forever....knew I shouldn't have googled!

Hi if you do not think the medication is suiting you there are plenty other ones around so worth asking after a trial of this one to try another.

Hi hoop I only got the ADs yesterday so I wouldn't know if they suit me or not. I was just concerned after reading the leaflet that came with it. They have prescribed me something that the information tells me not to take with my 'symptoms'

Most leaflets say things like that, but your gp would not have prescribed unless they thought they would help. Why not go back in a few weeks to discuss how they are helping, as well as being honest about events going on for you etc.