i need someone to talk to because I think I might be going mad

[amomenttotalk]

I normally have good days and bad days - one day I have loads of energy the next day I feel like I just don't want to do anything. This is how I have always been and its been fine because the down days are just that days, every now and then it lasts a couple of days but thats it. Then I have a while of feeling fine.

the last month I have just felt down every single day its not going away, I just cant face anything, the future seems pointless. I cant be bothered with housework or work. I just feel like lying down and staring at a wall.

There is no reason for me to feel like this - there have a been a few anniversaries lately of bad experiences but tbh I dont feel that upset about them as far as I am aware. I know if I was reading this I would be saying "go to the doctor" but I really dont want to start medications and I just think I need to talk to someone about it first because I feel like there is SOMETHING causing this I just dont know what :(.

I am just sitting in bed atm feeling like crying DH is looking after the kids I just cant face doing anything .

This is me at the moment, have you had any kind of talking therapy in the past like counselling? I know you say you don't want medication but apart from this lapse (caused by my steroid tablets) it has really helped my moods.

About 4 years ago I saw a counsellor for 6 weeks but it just felt awkward I had nothing to really say and it just ended up going in circles.

I think you will need to go to the doctor really. I am a bit hesitant about asking some questions but here goes.
Have you had a virus in say the last six weeks that you maybe have not got over yet.
Also a tonic from the chemist might just help and eating more green leafy veg.
Have you had any holdidays or breaks recently. How do you feel when you are away?

I feel silly going to the doctor. Actually no, I feel ashamed, a failure. I have been through difficult times in my life illness,death,financial worries, homelessness etc no problem I sailed through these things without so much as breaking a sweat . Now - I literally have nothing to worry about , and yet all I can think about is how shit I am, how I haven't achieved anything and how my life is just nothing day after day. I could never sit in front of my doctor and say that I just can't.

Ilike- to answer your questions I haven't been ill recently. I haven't been on holidays for about 9 years

Well, I think it would be a very good idea to have a long overdue holiday.
That may be what you need.
I personally get to the point where I feel there is no petrol in my tank so to speak. And then go away for a few days.
Does me the power of good.

Go to doctor and check for low iron, low vitamin D, B12 and, if you have difficulty losing/keeping down weight, hypothyroid (low). There cound be a simple (and not too serious) underlying cause to how you feel why is physical, and could be fixed with the right meds. If you have low iron, green leafy veg won't do it, you'll need shed loads of the stuff, so don't just self-medicate randomly, go and find out what it is.
If your doctor is unsympathetic, go and join a better surgery.

'which not 'why',