I know this site is for parents, and i'm nothing close to a parent (I'm 16) but I'm in a situation that very much involves the subject of parenting. So I thought with this being a site for parents, maybe I can get some insight.
I'm a lad and I don't know how to tell my mum that I'm constantly fantasising about suicide. My relationship with my mum is pretty complex. I'm biracial (she's white and my dad was black) and my parents split up when I was 6. Well my mum ran off to say the truth. My dad raised me but he died in January.
After not hearing from my mum for 8 years, she finally got in contact with me and my dad when I was 14. He didn't want anything to do with her but he said she was my mother and I should hear her out. I did. She was married and really wealthy. I wouldn't say I and my dad lived in poverty but we never had all that much either. It's weird cause I've never been angry at my mother for leaving me and my dad. She said she was really sorry for everything and I forgave her.
In the last 2 years we saw each other and went out and that. My dad died from a heart attack so now I live with my mum and her husband. In the last 3 months I've been overwhelmed with thoughts of suicide. My mum has been wonderful to me but unlike with my dad, I can't talk to her about really personal things.
And the truth is that ever since I was really young I've always been a self-loathing person. I don't know why. I just am. I don't have friends really. I prefer to stay on my own (somthing my mum doesn't understand) and most of the times I daydream, pretending that I'm a different person.
I just don't know how to tell her all of this stuff. I find it difficult to open up to anyone. I could only tell my dad about the most personal things in my life. Now that he's gone and I don't have anyone to tell.
I've been looking up suicide methods online and I'm constantly thinking about my death. I have some rope that I intend to hang myself with. But last night I came across a story about a mother who lost her son to suicide and I cried cause the whole thing basically destroyed her.
I don't really want to put my mum through that, but then again, life at the moment feels like hell. Waking up in the morning is terrible - the only respite I get is when I sleep. When there's nothing for me to think about. And that's why death is so alluring.
i don't know what to do.
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Mental health
Contemplating suicide
BengalTiger · 11/05/2013 02:44
Your old science teacher is partly right, and partly wrong.
Depression is a different illness to others.
With depression, as you know, and are unfortuneately experiencing, it has different levels.
And a lot of people, have it sometimes in there lives, but no sign of it at other times, often years, or even a lifetime.
You have dreams. You have talked about them on here.
There is nothing to think that at some point in your life you will not get to live them.
As others have said on here, there are different chapters in peoples' lives.
Right now, you are grieving, apart from everything else. But primarily grieving. It has only been six months since the death of your dad. 
. That is not a long time in the griving process unfortunately.
I know a lot of older people. And even older people struggle with a sudden death. Those that lose loved ones suddenly, take longer in the grieving process, than those whose loved ones have been ill for some time.
There is a bereavement section on MN. I am not sure if that would help you to have a look over there. It might do.
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