Manic Depression - Hate my stupid head! Need support today.

[iamnowawhaticallmother]

Always had manic depression - and what upsets me the most is that there is no REASON for it! It could be the happiest of times - and inside I am dying. it could be the worst of times - and inside I am ecstatic.

Today I am on the edge. No frickin reason! I go on holiday tomorrow (nothing special, UK, but away from home), I have a beautiful baby boy, relationship good, everything great. Feel like dying.

Worst is - I can't tell anyone! Because they don't understand. Just tried telling my partner and he told me to cheer up. Worst. possible. thing. Feel lonely and hopeless and just hate that my head can do this to me.

Worst thing about depression is the guilt over what you can't help feeling! Especially when there are people out there with actual problems.

But feel so lonely today - anyone out there?

I was reading about manic depression yesterday it's renamed as bipolar 1 and 2 now, from what I read.

I'm here. I agree the worse thing you need right now is being told to 'cheer up' are you on any medication just now?

no - never been on anything. Just live with it. I have grown to recognise when I am manic and when I am down and know I just need to ride it out - but some days are so awful. Been plagued with some God awful dreams lately, bad weather contributes - and when i am not active.

I wouldn't know if I had bipolar 1 or 2? what's the difference?

here

I can sympathise with the nightmares they can send an okay day off to bad one

well looking at that i would say I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. But I don't feel I fall into any of them.

Tbh I think these are just guidelines, my brother has manic depression but doesn't fit into all the symptoms.

So you're going away tomorrow ? Maybe a change of scenery for a bit will make you feel better.

yes hopefully. I just need to get through today and hopefully it will lift.

I have manic depression and I can feel myself at the brink of a big dip although I am medicated. I chose to think positively and push myself today by writing lists, doing a thorough clean of the house, making sure the kids are clean and have clothes for the week etc before it happens.

You're not alone. I feel alone today even though DP and the DC's are now all home together. Anxiety about nothing in particular has flared and I just feel deflated.

I also feel you on the guilt.

i have thought about medication but the reason i won't take it is two fold - 1/ when i am high i wouldnt give that feeling up for any of the lows i experience. When i am happy i am euphoric and i don't want to live my life at 50%. would rather live at 10% and 100% - if that makes any sense. 2/ it is me! it's my personality. i have been this way my entire adult life and it's just a part of me.
im no danger to anyone else or myself - it is just something i am aware of and i live with. sometimes, however - it is hard when on a low day/ period my partner / parents have no idea what to say. Today is particularly rough - for no reason at all. but i know it will pass. good to have a good old whine on here when you can't at home.

You should ask your gp to refer you to a psychiatrist if you think you have a mental health problem. They will be able to define, diagnose and help.

There are many other treatments than medications so if you do want help speak to your gp.

If you have bipolar disorder they may recommend a medication that will stop you becoming dangerously high or dangerously low. But if your highs and lows are not life threatening then they may recommend other therapies and ways that you can help yourself, like recognising a mood swing, your diet, sleep routine etc.

Presumably you've been diagnosed. In which case you really ought to consider meds as left untreated it can get a hell of a lot worse.

Having said that however, psych drugs can be pretty toxic and if you can function without them then so be it. That decision (and diagnosis) can only be reached by talking to a psychiatrist though.