So I'm not having a very well (mentally) day.
My doctor doesn't think anti depressants would work although said I could have them if I wanted- wtf?
So anyhow I function ok most of them outside I'm fine, hold it together am quite comfortable being mummy and we go about our daily routine fine.
DH keeps trying and I quote trying to make me snap our of it by saying IMO quite mean things!
I'm not fun anymore- apparently this is helpful? Because I should be able to see that I was fun so therefore as I was fun I can be fun again.
He also said he was happier at work than at home :(
Needless to say this isn't actually helping or snapping me out of anything. Probably just pushing me further under.
I have a nice enough life, I'm lucky I know that much but I can't be happy or fun. I'm too serious, but I have 3 small kids of course I'm bloody serious!
I can be fun for them, that's much easier.
I don't know what I want anyone to say tbh
I just want to be happy but I don't know how I rarely even bloody smile.
I'm anxious, stressed, worried, miserable.
I'm functioning fine though, it's just the inner turmoil. I don't even want to talk, heck I can't even bring myself to think about the things I'm anxious about.
I don't need an anti depressant to numb me or help me think more clearly. I just want to be happy not fake it just be smiling and not to feel like this anymore.
I need a maternal cuddle