Desperate, pregnant, don't want to live anymore

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

I am 16 weeks pregnant with dc2. Everything has gone tits up, as it did with dd. My bladder completely shuts down and I have to self catheterise, well, my poor dp has to do it for me as I can't manage at all.
I have a history of abuse and I can't cope with how invasive it is. I'm on tears every time I have to have a wee, I can't deal with it. The pain of it brings back memories and I'm having flash backs every time.
Luckily I haven't yet had to stay in hospital, that would just about finish me off.
I really don't know what to do. I can't have the catheter that stays in, that's worse.
taking all the pills in the house seems like the only option. I am even contemplating a termination but I know I could never forgive myself.
I have had enough. Those bastards have ruined my life and I can't see any way out

Please, please get some help. I have been that desperate before and took the pills and all it did was hurt everyone who cared about me. This was about 7 years ago now and my (now) dh made me get help and I am now a happy and (reasonably) stable mum of 3. As much as it hurts you to be in this situation, do you really want to leave your little girl without her mum or your partner without the woman he loves? You can and will get past this and as hard as it is now, pills are not the answer.

Couldn't read and run, but please get help. Your dd needs you to be there for her.

I got to a similar stage recently for diff reasons and had to ask DH to make sure there were no pills near me till I got to the doctor in the morning. It was a long night.

So if you can't bear it one more minute, get him to take you to your local hospital or ring the services ASAP.

Truly.

I do hope things get just that bit better to take the edge off fast.