Does anyone else feel like this?

[cappuccinodays]

Like you are constantly working towards "something" although you are not sure what it is? Im not sure if i am in some kind of denial, since divorce, recently ending another relationship. I literally cannot stop. I think it is a symptom of anxiety. I NEVER smile, i am totally aware of this. Yesterday someone made me laugh, i cant remember the last time before that i laughed and i had a "rush" through me. I just want to be content, happy on the inside, at peace. I feel like i need to be a certain way first, ie the house decluttered, thinner, better job and it goes on. I am very productive, but ultimately it isnt making me happy.. I never feel good enough, i underestimated my abilities etc and i never praise myself.. i just keep going. My memory is terrible, i just want to be on a path to something and remain on it, instead of feeling lost. I have no direction. I am stuck in an old train of thought since my divorce and i feel like i dont really know who i am anymore. I dont believe i will ever meet a decent man, but feeling this way i probably wont! I am taking citalopram 20mg. I dont feel as depressed as i did, but i score high on anxiety. Anyone else feel like this? and how do you get out of the "trap"??

Hello cappucino - not sure I have any answers as I think I am in the same place as you just now. I try to keep myself really busy but if I have time to think, I just fall apart. This is not good. I think I have reached an age where I am not where I thought I would be. Not even remotely close. In fact, apart from DCs and DH, I am in the same place I was twenty years ago. Probably worse off, as it is now twenty years on. I am not who I was. Not sure who I am, what is normal. I can't think about it too much, already welling up. Must go and find something to do.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. Hope you find a way out.

I totally get where you are coming from. The endless chasing of some vague end point which I could achieve "if only....".

What helps me is remembering that happiness is a fleeting moment and that to be content is the key thing. Taking stock of what I have achieved, how my life is in the present - those are the things that keep me grounded. As soon as I think about anything in the future (near or far) I get anxious.

It does sound like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself - almost berating yourself for your perceived failures (ie job, relationships etc). Be kind to yourself and make a list of all the positives - past & present. I know that for myself I just want everything to be better instantly and yet babysteps are the key to success. Prioritizing one thing at a time and learning to be at peace with those things that remain on the To Do List.