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Original poster

Depressed or just miserable? I know you can't diagnose me but please talk to me

18 replies

UnknownGnome · 14/04/2013 21:46

I know that the only advice you can really give me is 'see your gp' and I know that's what I need to do but at the moment I'm scared. I'm scared that there's nothing wrong wih me and I just need to pull myself together. I'm also scared that there something wrong with me and i'll be put on pills.

So, can you just look through this list of how I'm feeling and let me know what you think? I don't know whether I'm depressed or just a miseranle cow.

I'm anxious. I've always been a worrier but its becoming worse. It consumes most of my day.
I struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes I think if I didn't have the kids I'd just stay in bed all day.
I can't be bothered.
I feel unhappy. Not even unhappy just, nothing.
I feel uninteresting.
I'm constantly disappointed with my life.
I'm angry a lot of the time. I even felt pissed off in a shop today because no matter which aisle I went down there was always someone there looking at what I wanted to look at Hmm
I have no energy.
I feel ugly. Embarrassingly ugly. I hate people seeing me.
I have no libido.
I feel hugely jealous of other people, Jealousy eats me up inside.
I feel unliked even though I have some good friends.
I feel like a failure.

That list is not exhaustive!

If I were to take this list to my gp do you think he'd just tell me to pull myself together? I'm fed up of feeling like this. I have a good life. Loving husband, great kids, part time job that I enjoy, good friends. Yet I can't seem to feel anything other than what's listed above. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I felt truly happy. I feel like a horrible person. A bad wife and mother, a boring friend.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 14/04/2013 21:50

You sound properly depressed to me, maybe your doctor will advise something other than meds.

Take care and I hope this passes for you . xxx mumsnetty nippily hugs! (hope that made you laugh ( : )

Original poster
UnknownGnome · 14/04/2013 21:53

It did make me laugh. And also cry!

Thanks for replying. I think I need to make an appointment.

OP posts:
Catmint · 14/04/2013 21:56

I think that sounds clinical depression.

You can come through it, OP. xx (but get some help) .

melli · 14/04/2013 21:59

First of all big hugs from me to you across the web. Sounds like you need someone to talk to, gp is a good place to start ad they have the tools to help you see some light at the end of this dark phase. Looking at your list, a lot of the things you are experiencing i did too. I suffered an OCD condition and had both medication and CBT. The CBT changed my life. We all need help from time to tome. Sometimes things build up and we need time and support to help unpick the thought processes that result in feeling crap. You deserve to feel better . Take care and see your gp if you dont feel up to that yet then post here, i will be happy to listen. Writing things down helps . I hope that helps x

Original poster
UnknownGnome · 14/04/2013 22:09

Thank you so much for your responses. I'm sitting here in tears but I think they're actually tears of relief that maybe life doesn't have to be like this forever.

I will make an appointment with a gp. I've only spoken to one rl friend about this and she said the same as you - that I deserve to feel better.

My fear is that i'll sit in the gp's office and play it all down which is what I usually do. Maybe if I write it all down it will help.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 14/04/2013 22:15

you sound lovely.pity you are not as kind to yourself as you are to others.

melli · 14/04/2013 22:28

Once you begin talking about things, the pain you have been feeling will be obvious to the gp. Just speak your truth about how you feel, like you did here. You may find it quite emotional but its the first step. Not easy to talk about these things, you are brave.

leelteloo · 14/04/2013 22:34

Hi Unknown, sounds like depression to me. Don't be scared of the gp prescribing you some medication. Anti depressants often help with the feelings of lethargy, lack of motivation and anxiety and they allow you to start to heal. Exercise is very helpful but when you are depressed you cannot find the energy or will to do any. Talking things through is also very helpful and anti depressants can help people make better use of therapy. Don't try to "pull yourself together"; let the gp help you to get better.
i think you have been really brave posting about your feelings and facing up to your fears. you are obviously a strong person because you do get up and get on with all that needs doing, despite feeling the way you do. I think you should be proud of yourself for managing so well whilst struggling with this rotten illness.
I hope you feel better soon.

DewDr0p · 14/04/2013 22:36

OP you sound really quite depressed to me. Please go and talk to your GP (writing stuff down sounds like a good plan too) and get some help. I know how hard it is but it will be ok.

You CAN feel better (I am proof of that). It took a while but I'm so so glad I did something about it.

Have a hug (())

Original poster
UnknownGnome · 14/04/2013 22:39

That's very kind of you to say (and it made me cry again!) but I don't feel lovely. I feel anything but lovely. I feel withered and eaten up by all the negative feelings, resentment, guilt, anxiety.

I try to put on a good front. I'm meeting a friend for coffee tomorrow. I consider her to be a good friend but I haven't and won't tell her how I'm feeling. i'll just sit and be interested in the conversation and deflect any attention regarding me and my life.

I imagine some people would be quite surprised to learn who I really am and how I really feel. But then I also imagine that they will just think I'm miserable if I tell them he truth. So on goes the smile and out comes the 'I'm fine, but enough about me...' line.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnknownGnome · 14/04/2013 22:43

You're all so supportive. Thank you. I feel like you're giving me the strength I need to take myself to the gp.

For years I've just thought I'm a horrible person Sad

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 14/04/2013 22:47

Putting on a brave face is exhausting, it's like constantly entertaining visitors, it would grind down the patients of a saint!

It is ok to say I'm exhausted, I never think people are miserable when they tell me how they are feeling. I sometimes feel that wasted conversations/fascetious conversations are draining on everyone. You are probably a great friend, because you listen alot and don't hog attention, but you do need to put yourself first a little. Take care xx

kittykato · 15/04/2013 08:08

Your list could have been written by me Unknowngnome. I'm so jealous and hateful all the time even though I have a lovely house, kids, way of life I still feel there's something lacking and I think that is me.

I'm being reffered for some talking therapy (although this is for IBS/anxiety rather than anything else). Hopefully this may sort me out. I just feel like such a failure/horrible person. Can't see past the end of the day sometimes and burst into tears/explode with anger all the time...

Best of luck and thank you for posting! Feel I'm alone and it's reassurring to know I'm not xxx

Original poster
UnknownGnome · 15/04/2013 08:17

You're right, Molly, it is exhausting. I also end up feeling really fake, like I'm duping people by not being myself. But then again I feel like i'll lose my friends is I do show them the 'real' me.

I'm sorry you feel the same way, Kitty, but liken you say, its reassuring to know that I'm not alone. x

OP posts:
topsyandturvy · 16/04/2013 20:24

make a gps appointment and take along a print out of your original post to read or show them. they will take it very seriously

twinklingfairy · 18/04/2013 15:29

CBT really really helped me too.
I put of going to the GP for soooo long.
It was a reliefs when I finally did, though it was my counsellor lady who really got it.
I walked into her office spoke about one sentence then cried, all the whole saying, "I am just being silly really, there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just wasting your time."

That was a wee while ago and I am doing so much better now.
Though I came on here today because I am having a low day.
My head aches, my DD wanted to go to a club but I just didn't have the energy to take her and the thought of having to go out, Again, to get her was just too much.
It's not one of her regular clubs and I am. Never really sure if I want her going tbh, so I have self justified my decision.
As soon as I came in though, I knew all that was just excuses for my own lethargy :(

I am really coming to thinking that I have that SAD thing, because the weather has also turned, it's really really grey and wet out there.
I have so much I would like to do, having finally finished making a bag for someone I could finally be do ing my own thing.
But someone has seen her bag and asked me to make her one too, even searching for the fabric has floored me Sad
I could make money, I was paid for the first one. But even that isn't motivation enough.
Or maybe that is the hindrance.
Who knows.
Down days suck Sad

But this one will pass, like the others do, sorry OP
Positive mental attitude and all thatHmm
My rant doesn't help anyone.

Original poster
UnknownGnome · 18/04/2013 20:59

Twinkling Sad Sorry you've had a bad day. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I'm up and down too. I've had an ok day today although I did snap at my dd for no real reason earlier Sad

OP posts:
equinox · 22/04/2013 12:54

I think a good GP a good counsellor and a good spiritual belief system will all help.

Try the GP as first port of call.

Tablets are there to help not hinder. Keep liaising with them once you start on them and do not give up. Speak up for yourself once you start on them and do not let anybody professional belittle or talk down to you.

HTH.

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