I'm sorry, i just find it so hard to keep going. Yesterday was DH's birthday. We'd had a lovely meal the previous night. But yesterday i started to feel sick, and just couldn't eat. I felt so anxious, just so worried that I'm going into another anxious episode and that i'd ruined DH's birthday. I went out for a walk so i could smoke and felt so guilty. I've been throwing up all night. I don't think i can stand this again. If it wasn't for DH and my family, I'd just go.