Am I Being too emotional? Have I got PND?

[emotionalwreck]

I'm going back to work next week and my Chloe is 5 and a half months old. I had been told I would have difficulty conceiving due to polycystic ovaries and didn't use any contraception for years and then 3 months after I met my partner I found my self pregnant... whether this start has anything to do with my feelings re: work I don't know. I just feel devastated about going back to work. Yesterday we went to the local swimming pool and when I asked for my ticket at reception, she tol me the swimming pool was closed. She was very helpful and went through the timetable with me but the whole time I was swallowing back tears. As soon as we were back in the car I sobbed uncontrollably whilst Chloe smiled weakly at me. Am I going nuts or is this normal? Please advise!!

I get emotional too. Only this morning I welled up because my DD was going on a school trip (P1 and only for the day). I waved her off and got choked. For me, it depends how my hormones are behaving and I'm also very passionate when it comes to my kids. I struggle with letting go!

However, I also had two experiences with PND. Both I struggled and fought hard with and I like to think I won although some days I'm not sure if it still lurks....

From what you describe it might not necessarily be PND but it depends on whether this was an isolated thing or do you get like this a lot? Maybe its just that you are feeling concerned about returning to work and leaving her behind. Are you due a period? Do you generally feel totally 'yourself'. I found it took me at least eighteen months after my kids were born to get back to feeling totally normal.

I'm having an early night tonight (part of my self-help!!) but post more, there's lots and lots of lovely people on here.

Thanks so much frumpygrumpy (great nickname!)

I do get like this alot. I feel like my Mum is the only one that understands but she lives 110 miles away from me. My best friend had her second baby 3 days ago and can't wait to be back at work. I feel like everyone thinks I'm being a whimp i.e. most people have to work with children and they all get on with it. Maybe I'm being too controlling but I just want to be the one to care for my gorgeous baby! I cry most days... Do you think this is normal?

Its hard to say if its normal, some poeple cry frequently about all sorts (happy, sad etc). What do you cry about, is it soley about having to go back to work or is it because generally you are down? What is your HV like and is she someone you imagine you could discuss this with face to face. Could you meet up with her pretending you wanted to discuss something about your DD (MMR for example) and see if the moment arises when you could discuss you.

I'm lucky to be at home with my kids. It would have broken my heart to leave any of them and return to work and I would have cried oceans about it - we are not alone! I know lots of people like this. I leave my kids with my mum or my DP when I need to and my DTs go to nursery one day a week so I can catch up. I was on here this time last year joining in the threads about kids starting school (which my dd did last august). I didn't think I could cope with it, she was one of the young ones at school and I just felt she had so much to learn. We are coping! She enjoys it, i get so excited to see her at the end of her day and I'm fresh for her.

Do you have to return full time or is part time an option? Is there no way at all you can stay at home?

Sorry my post is quick and might not make sense, my DTs are wrecking the kitchen and I have to save them/my kitchen!

Ignore the fact that your friend wants to get back to work. I found the first 18 months of my kids lives sooooo hard but I still wouldn't have swapped it for the world. I've cried buckets about all sorts and have had PND. You need to work out whether you are sad about reutrning work, exhausted from the demands of childcare, or actually down all the time and needing more support. Keep posting.

I cry about different things that would seem trivial to most people - I feel like I over react to situations. I had depression a few years ago for about 4 years and it doesn't feel like that. To be honest I think it all started when I got pregnant so I've just put it down to hormones.... which it probably is!!

My HV is really nice and I could talk to her. Will give that some thought. As for going back to work, I'm going for 4 days a week for three months (using annual leave accrued) and then I'll be full time again. There is no way I can't go back - I earn alot more than my partner.

Thanks for your support though and I hope you're kitchen isn't too badly damaged!

However trivial you might think it is, it isn't. Crying is just a way of getting a feeling out. I do think hormones play a huge part. I really didn't feel I began to return to normal until at least 18 months after the births. And I'm sorry you have to work full time, thats tough honey. A guy I worked with became part time in similar circumstances - his wife earned more and they wanted someone to be at home for some of the time. Not an option for most I would say. I hope you can maybe talk to your HV, she might just be the sounding board you need. I'm still around though!

The kitchen is fine. Well, as good as it gets anyway .

hi! i'm in the same boat, going back to (full-time) work in 2 weeks time. my ds2 was 5 months yesterday, and i am feeling much the same as you are...
i found my reason for feeling emotional, hormonal (this morning when dh went to work with ds1, i just found myself sobbing uncontrollably because the door to the dishwasher was jammed ????), and down is probably the fact that the second time around things seem so much harder, as this is likely to be my last baby, and this is just hitting home: no more first smiles, gurgles, first steps, etc, and i'll be at work missing most of my ds2's firsts .
i can relate to a lot of what you write: my mum also lives far away (Holland), and i do miss it not being able to just drop by for a cuppa...
anyway, i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this. being at home with your baby and away from your office for 6 months by itself can already make you a bit anxious i think.
maybe we should both post again a month from now, and we'll find that everything worked out just fine... and in the meantime, if you're anywhere near cambridge maybe we could meet up in our last week off work????
take care!

Nice post honeybunny. How's things this week emotional? Luck to you both.