I know I caused ds2's allergy, but I don't feel guilty, I feel cross

[fisil]

We realised this morning that ds2 has a nut allergy. Eating peanut butter throughout pg even though I knew I shouldn't was all wrapped up in the complex emotions that made me so ill. I don't feel guilty because I understand that I was ill and you can't change the past anyway. But it has just made me feel so ANGRY again at having been ill. I hated being ill with depression really really hated it. I am cross that I have mental health problems. I don't blame anyone or anything - it's just how my body is. But I am still cross about it.

I don't know an awful lot about allergies, but my understanding is we are told not to eat nuts during pg in order to 'try' and prevent an allergy. But at the end of the day some will have the allergy (esp. if in family) and some won't regardless of whether you eat nuts or not.

I think feeling cross about your illness is surely going to be normal feelings - and surely letting yourself feel angry about it is on the right path to getting closure?

Take care x

fisil, I'm not an expert either but can you really say that you caused his allergy? Like Hattie says, I think it's one of those things a person will have or not have, regardless of what you do.

A bit like breastfeeding is supposed to help with eczema etc but millions of breastfed children have it regardless - they were going to get it anyway, it was in their genes.

I suppose it the willfulness of my decision that is causing me to make the link. But of course I was not making decisions properly at the time.

fisil - don't feel cross. You can't know for certain that you caused the allergy because you ate peanut butter. Don't be hard on yourself.

don't be cross - it's not going to achieve anything

mental health problems can stike anyone at anytime

don't know your whole story but sounds like you got help and are on the road to recovery

reserve your sadness and anger for those who don't/can't get the help they need

no-one knows fully the peanut allergy links - if I had to cut out the foods my dd became allergic to, I would practically have had to live on a diet of bread and rice!

sorry, that sounded a bit sermon like and it wasn't meant to (should be hoovering the house)!

thanks all

foxinsocks, you are absolutely right. I did get help and am very grateful for it. I suppose some of my anger is that I could have got help sooner if I'd identified that I was ill sooner - instead of going along thinking that I was just crap at everything. But I don't think that is uncommon. And I also know that I got off incredibly lightly because I didn't get as ill as others do, and dp was incredibly supportive (as was everyone on here). But as I said before, I am not angry with anyone or anything, because rationally I know that there was no way it could have been treated sooner, and we can't change what happened anyway.

don't be unkind to yourself on either count...I ate peanuts on my breakfast cereal everyday when pregnant and it didn't make them allergic..also ate loads of liver, unpasteurised cheese and probably other stuff too because right and wrong foods weren't thought of then...

I did not touch anything peanut or nut related during the whole of my pregnancy. My son now has anaphylatic shock when he eats peanuts. So it would seem it is irrelevant whether you eat nuts or not - don't beat yourself up about it.

I never knew one was supposed to avoid peanuts

Only people with first degree relatives with food allergies are advised to avoid peanuts. And even then, it's only a guess - there's no evidence to show avoiding them has any impact on the rate of allergies, last time I checked.

Think you are entirely justified in being angry at the illness, if that's what you are saying. But not at yourself.