Hi. I'm struggling at the moment and could just do with some support. I have various MH problems, including BPD and depression. I've been doing better for a while - the combination of meds I've been on seems to have made a difference, and I've not got a care coordinator for the first time in over 8 years. I go to a weekly group for people with BPD and I'm still under the psychiatrist, but I don't see a CPN or SW or anything now.
The last couple of months things have started to slip. At first I wasn't too worried because I thought it was just a little dip, but things have been getting worse and now I'm getting really scared. Every day seems to be harder than the day before - my mood has dropped significantly and I'm back to finding it really hard to do simple things like getting up and dressed etc. I've been having more bad thoughts, and this week I've really noticed how emotional I am. I seem to have spent most of today crying.
I've called the duty worker at the CMHT a few times in the last couple of weeks, but it hasn't really been a great deal of help. There's a couple of CPNs there I know pretty well, and who I know probably could help a bit, but there have now been three times that I have called and been told one of them is duty and that they will call me, and then been phoned back by someone I don't know and so find it difficult to talk to. I now think they don't want to speak to me - it happened again this afternoon. I'm just feeling really alone with it as in the past I have had someone I know well who I have seen regularly and have had phone contact with between appointments if needed, and now I can't even speak to someone I know - I just get put through to complete strangers, and then I find it really difficult to talk to them. I know it sounds really pathetic, and that I'm lucky to have usually had someone in the past I could contact, but I'm just finding it hard now I don't have anyone.
I'm just so scared that my mood is crashing, it really terrifies me. I've been in such a bad place for such a lot of the last 9 years, and I'm so scared of spiralling out of control again, and even more so now that I don't have as much support as I used to have. I know I am much luckier than lots of people because I still have the group, and I've had lots of support in the past, but I'm just so worried that I am slipping and I don't know where to turn given that I'm not having much luck with the CMHT.
I'm sorry to go on, I think I just need to get it out. Thank you for reading if you've managed to make it all the way through!