NPD/PD ex -friend

[Sungasong]

There's no real question to this post. I just need a space to vent my thoughts.
Here goes: I befriended a mum over a year ago. I went against my initial instincts (got a very strong off vibe about her) because of her situation which I won't go into detail. I tried to be sympathetic and be a good friend by being there for her and offering help (which she didn't accept) as it seemed she was going through PND. But as the months went by, the negativity, blaming her child for being a nightmare and other such hurtful remarks, blaming everyone else for her problems, really un-PC remarks (often racist, really rude and generally anti-social) as well as her reasoning for doing certain things like skiving work, having a sleep in a cafe alone with the child in the pram (another mum reportedly saw her there) and possessiveness over 'her' friends, inability to take criticism and obsession with comparing with others got to me (the list could go on but I'll stop here)
And then I had a light bulb moment : She must have a Cluster B personality disorder. I remember studying abnormal psychology at uni and it all started to make sense. A combination of NPD, BPD, HPD. Wow...
I am pissed at myself for not listening to my gut instincts - the caring and sensitive part of me reasoned the intuitive side of me to be quiet because this ex-friend had extenuating circumstances.
And though I can't say that I am glad to have met her, I am going to take this experience as a life lesson. I'm going to trust my instincts and run a mile when I spot signs of PD - I've come to the conclusion that most people with PDs can't be helped. I believe in miracles, and I wish that a miracle would descend on this ex-friend, but I somehow don't think it will happen anytime soon.
Has anyone else had realisations of this with 'friends'? And what did you do? I've read extensively online about PDs since my light bulb moment and a lot of stuff comes from the perspective of the daughter or ex-lover of a PD person. But not much from a friend's perspective.

Wow, I've got BPD and I hope no-one wants to run a mile from me! Despite the diagnosis, I'm not all bad. Sometimes I wish my doctor had continued to treat my symptoms and not tell my diagnosis, at least that way I wouldn't feel so shit for having this knowing how it is perceived by many. I know this isn't the kind of answer you're looking for though.

Your post is pretty shitty, to be honest. Not only are you playing the armchair psychiatrist, but "run a mile when I spot signs of PD"? How very nice.

Why don't you take your delightful superior attitude and shove it somewhere else?

Wow...
I guess i have a delightful superior attitude if i want to run a mile from someone with a personality disorder. Have you read or know of what people go through from having someone with pds in their lives?
I dont want to feel like ive been drained of any positivity and joy at every meeting with them; lied to ; manipulated, played against other people in social circles.aIm lucky that i didnt have a carer or lover with it- others not so. Just take a look at the threads on mumsnet where peoples' lives are negatively affected.
Sirboobalot- im not a masochist. I may be wrong- she may not have a PD and shes just a toxic person.

Frillynat81 - is a gp qualified enough to give u a diagnosis for this? Isnt this what psychologists and psychiatrists do? In any case i hope you do get access to treatment.
I dont mean that people with pd are all bad and evil. I'm just over ex-friend's lies and games, attention seeking, toxicity, jealousy and avoiding any responsibilty for the shit things that are going in on her life.

I've read more about personality disorders than you have, if your view is so narrow, and based purely on internet 'research'.

And you have posted in a section where people come for support basically just to insult a group of people, thinking you have a right to do so because you read a bit at university.

You suspect that this person was suffering from post natal depression, or another mental illness. If you have decided that you do not wish for them to be involved in your life anymore, then that is your decision, for whatever reason. But to start slamming around insults about those suffering from a serious mental health condition based purely on an assumption is not okay.

Wow, nice post. Another person with BPD here, and I'm fairly sure that most people don't want to run a mile from me. I don't lie to my friends, or play them off against each other, and hopefully I don't drain them of joy either. If anything I worry far too much about upsetting people - I have been told numerous times that I need to try and be more selfish because I always put others first.

You are making enormous, erroneous generalisations. Yes, some people with PDs are arseholes. As are some people without PDs. People are people, and some are just easier to be around than others. You are making massive assumptions - a) that your friend has a PD in the first place, and b) that everyone with a PD is a toxic, manipulative bitch. Some of the most wonderful, generous, loving people I know have a PD diagnosis.

A little knowledge is clearly a dangerous thing....

Well said, Purple :)

I'm really sorry. Purple, Sirboobalot and other readers of this post who might have PD and other mental health problems. It's wrong to generalise and I'm genuinely sorry.

You are right. I know better.

This post was written in anger, frustration and hurt. It was the ego writing this post. I felt rejected at a sudden "dumping" from ex-friend. I assume it was because of some comment I meant about her being negative. Passing by her in the shops she completely ignores me.

The assumption wasn't just based on her actions (she actually told me she was given a diagnosis by a psychiatrist and when I asked her about it she didn;t tell me as it was too disturbing for her- I didn't ask anymore because that's only her business).

I don't want to have contact with her - not because of my assumptions of a PD - but it still hurts to be rejected. I just wanted an explanation of why she suddenly dumped me. One minute she was telling me how great I was and the next - nothing, over a comment that even I, a HSP would get over. And assuming NPD was the easiest.

Clearly I've been reading too many NPD forums online.

So once again, I'm sorry.

It's possibly time to stop looking outward and start looking inward.
Maybe take some of the advice you gave your 'friend'.

Although I have to say coming on to a mental health board and giving your first reply made even me raise an eyebrow. But I'm not going to offer a psychological reason for such a lack of awareness as it is so easy to make a twat of oneself.
It was nice to see an apology though so thank you for that.

do not presume because I said doctor I didn't mean psychiatrist. I saw mine for 3 years before I was diagnosed. I also saw a cpn. so bpd wasn't diagnosed on a whim. you need to understand, this diagnosis is an awful thing to live with and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm sorry your friend treated you so bad but maybe she was just a shit friend and nothing to do with a pd. just saying.

sorry just noticed you said she had been diagnosed.

Seeing as your first post states that you had a 'lightbulb moment' and decided she must have a PD yourself, I think your post saying she has been diagnosed is just an attempt to get yourself out of that lovely hole you've put yourself in. But whatever.

Some people with PDs are twats. Some people without PDs are twats. Because overall some people are just twats.

And frankly, if you've been projecting any of the attitude you've shown here onto her, no wonder she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.