18 and depressed?

[SleepyDeer]

I wrote not long ago saying i think I'm depressed.. people. Told me it sounds like I am but I was stupid and haven't seen anyone about it yet.

I'm scared as its reality. I do not wqnt to speak to someone as I find it hard in person but I can over her.

I've been through a lot. When I was 11 my mum had a child and went through bad post natal depression I had a huge part in his upbringing. When i was 13 she had twins (partner left) and she got serve arthiritis so again I brought up them alot. From the age of 10-14 I was sexually abuded and witnessed it happen to my younger sister. He wasn't locked up.

Nearly a year ago I lost my little boy at 23weeks. And had 2 early miscarriages in august and d3cember.
I was so happy when I found out i was expecting my little boy, happiest i was in years.

I can't hide how i feel anymore, I just feel like. im in a dark hole and there is no way out. It's affecting my college work and relationship with my partner. I just want to cry. And ive had thought of hurting myself a few times but never do it just think it. No onw knows that nit even my partner. Please help :(. There's no end, I want to be happu and myself again.

hello SleepDeer
So sorry you are feeling this way, is it truly awful I know and rest assured you are not alone. Reading your experiences it is not surprising that events have caught up with you and you are internalising a lot and feeling the way you do.
I know it is hard, but the best things for you to do is reach out, to someone, even just 1 person. I do think you should see your GP as I know what that dark hole feels like, but there IS a way out.
It is reality yes, it is very real for you, but it is nothing that cant be worked on to help you feel better with some support.
Im so sorry for your miscarriages and your demanding childhood not to mention the abuse :-(
Best to start working on these issues whilst you are young, so that they dont keep resurfacing..
keep posting :-)

What do I say to my GP? I only used to feel like this once a month but now its weekly if not more :(. I don't think I could see a councillor, that would be mu last resort. What are my other options?

Thank you for you reply. x

you say to your GP how you feel, write it down if you need to? Say it is getting more frequent. Why would seeing a councillor be your last resort? They are trained professionals, they wont judge, but help you come to terms with things and be a private, safe place to offload in "real life"
The doctor could offer medication along with counselling.
Alternatives that can help are exercise and keeping a journal of your feelings?
crying is a good thing :-)
I am sure there will be a student councillor at your college?

You have been through so much in just a few years, and imo you've also missed out on a normal teenage, plus the abuse. IMO you need to have a lot of counselling to overcome these things. Also IMHO, you need to focus on yourself and getting to be the person you want before bringing another person into the world. You have so little time for yourself after a child is born, and I feel you need time to heal.

Have you thought of going travelling, getting away from all the things that have plagued you for the last few years- go and bum around on the beach in Australia, have fun and enjoy your youth as much as you can. That's what I'd advise my daughter (and my oldest daughter is nearly 18 so I do have some insights). Keep talking through what is troubling you, keep coming on here for advice. And may you heal quickly and mange to overcome your troubled start.

I'm in college fulltime/ not working and my partner is currently on the sick should be off soon. But we have very little money, going to the seaside for the weekend next month, that's all we can afford.

No babies for me on the pill, and I take it every morning at 8-9ish.

I will see someone soon, I'm just busy with assignments and reccurent miscarriage appointments.. so have very little spare time.