I fantasise about suicide or just a long coma every day. Nobody seems to be shocked or concerned when I try and tell them

[BloominMarvellous]

It consumes my thoughts most days. I want to hide from the world. I feel forced into doing things like working and just existing. If I don't carry on as normal I can't afford to keep my house and people are relying on me. DP and DSS need my income to help towards the bills and they need my help around the house which they aren't getting.

I just want to do nothing. I want to sleep for a very long time. No noise. No chaos. No thoughts.

I don't know what to do. Nobody takes me seriously when I say this. Doctors are at a loss so have referred me to a physcyatrist which could take months. My family don't know how to help me and I don't know how to help them understand.

I feel trapped and I want it all to go away.

I have work at 5pm and know I have to go in but I'm wishing I could just fall down the stairs or have a heart attack just so I can rest and get some peace.

I don't know why I am posting. I just need help. I can't cope with this on my own anymore but I have no clue where to turn.

I am on beta blockers and anti depressants. The doctor won't increase the dose (40mg fluoxetine) and they aren't doing anything for me.

I just feel trapped between trying to get on and ignore my head and trying the get help and the doctor being dismissive and making me think I'm being over dramatic.

please go back to gp or see a different one at same practice .
tell gp how bad you are feeling and ask for change of meds .

good luck x

I identify with the fantasies, but for me that is all they are, I know that the reality and the mess I would leave behind would be so different that it is beyond the question. The fantasies are a confort blanket, something I know I would never act on. Is it like this for you or do you think about it in terms of something you might actually do?