Depression after recent miscarriage - not sure whether to get signed off work?

[lostangel33]

Hi there,

Thank you for reading this - it is my first post

Well! to cut a very long story short....i got married in August 2012 last year and we started TTC stright away. Fortunately, i fell pregnant within only 2 months! But then at nearly 8 weeks, i had a miscarriage on 11/12/12 . It was my very first preganancy and came as quite a shock really...i am a secondary school teacher, so i took 3 days off, but then went back to work. I think i was in a bit of denial really, as i felt bad, but not too bad....but about 2 weeks later i decided to cut my hair really short (at the hairdressers!), as i think i wanted to 'shed' the feelings, or something. A decision i regretted right away, as i felt even worse with the short hair - typical

Anyway, i have been at school since but recently got more and more down. I'm on AD's anyway (have been for about 3 years now), as i have suffered from depression since i was about 20. They have made a bit of a difference, but not much. I then thought that maybe i had the miscarriage because of them, so decided to try and wean myself off them, as i knew we would want to TTC again after my first menstral period. But i found that REALLY hard, as i just felt rubbish! Crying at school, not able to think straight and virtually suicidal at one point!

So, i went to the docs and am now back on them. But still feel rubbish. Have done for about the past year, come to think of it (so know it's not just the miscarriage). and now feel that my job is just too much....have taken the day off 'sick' today, as just couldn't face going in and the workload and the stress from badly behaved classes, etc. But also found that being at home on my own is making me feel the same....

Have an appointment with the doctors in about 1 hour, as think i may ask to be signed off for 2 weeks? But not sure if that's a good idea or not? I need some advice please really....i don't want to even go back to my job as i only like it about 5% of the time, the rest of the time i'm counting down the hours unitl i can go home!

I have wanted to pursue a new career for about 5 years now! but then don't do anything with my evenings, as i either do school work, or feel totally exhausted again recently....i just look in the mirror and feel sad for the reflection i see, i feel both pity and disappointment for myself....i just wish i could be back to the bubbly me, although i felt i havent seen that part of me for years! lol

Any advice would be really appreciated - especially from any fellow teachers out there?

Thank you
xxx

Well, it sounds like the depression is the main problem here. The miscarriage may have made it worse, but as you've been suffering for three years already the depression is clearly the big issue. Be honest with your doctor - tell him/her everything you've said above, be honest about your feelings about your job and see what s/he suggests. Do you think hating your job is due to the depression, or are there other issues that make you hate it? I ask because your feelings could just be the depression. Your general tiredness and listlessness are also, probably, depression-related. It sounds to me (as a non-professional, but someone with two siblings with depression), that you might need some different meds. Ask about side effects though, as some ADs take a few weeks to take effect and can cause sleeplessness and other things in the meantime. During that time it might be worth being signed off work.

As for your miscarriage, I'd deal with the depression and then see how you feel. A miscarriage is a sad event that many of us women endure at some point. Getting pregnant again may well make you feel less sad, but I'd get the depression dealt with first and ask the doc about ADs and pregnancy. Tell him/her that you'd like to TTC again/are already trying as some ADs are not suitable with pregnancy.