I don't know if I'm heading for a breakdown, or if I just need to pull my socks up and bloody well get on with it. I feel like it's just one thing after another. Whenever I feel like nothing else can possibly happen, then something else does. I feel like I've just had a batch of problems that keep hitting me before I can recover from dealing with the previous one.
First it was this, my DSD has now moved out and we're no further on in the moving process. Then she found out she was pregnant, and had an abortion, so I supported her through that, but couldn't tell DH, so had deal with it all internally.
Whilst this was going on I was filling in the forms and starting the statementing process for my dd1. I'd just gotten used to her diagnosis for ASD, when at the end of January she was diagnosed with Dyslexia. I've just applied for DLA for her, and we're in and out of the enuresis clinic because she's still bedwetting. (She's 10).
And then on Friday last week me and the kids went to the cinema with my mum. We came back home and DH was going to be taking my mum home. I was upstairs sorting out washing when I heard my mum's partner talking downstairs. I keep him away from my dds as much as possible because of this. As soon as I heard him I raced downstairs. He was sitting next to dd1 on the couch, had his arm around her and was playing with her hair. It made my skin crawl. 
I quickly said to dd1 "Oh dd1 will you make me a cup of tea"? To get her away from him. When I went into the kitchen my mum said, "You didn't like my partner touching dd1 did you, I could tell. He doesn't mean anything by it you know." After that they went, but not before dd1 wanted to show my mum how she'd painted the downstairs bathroom. He came to look too, and took the opportunity to massage dd1's shoulders. It was only for a few seconds because I pulled her away, but still, any fucking opportunity he can get he'll put his hands on her hair, her shoulders, her back! He hasn't had hardly any contact since last year now, but still.
When DH got home we talked about it and agreed that I should speak to my mum and tell her it makes me uncomfortable. So I did, and she said she would speak to him. I then got a text from her saying he was deeply hurt and upset to think we think he could hurt dd1 in that way. I think I need to pretty much cut contact with my mum after this. She didn't protect me and my sister when we were kids, and she always seems to have an opinion that makes me 
on abuse and such cases in the news. She doesn't think there is a problem and she doesn't understand how I feel, or rather she chooses not to see it from my point of view.
I feel like I'm in a constant of panic and have been for pretty much the past month. My body is so rundown, I've got a constant cold and headache. I can't stop my mind from racing and my heartbeat is thumping in my ears pretty much constantly. I'm getting next to no sleep at all and when I do I'm having bloody nightmares that wake me up. I can't seem to stop the anxiousness that I feel all the time, I feel like it's taking over my life. DH wants me to go to the doctors but I know he'd put me back on ADs. I really don't want to go back on them, I was on them for 3 years with PND and it was really hard to come off them. I'm finding everyday tasks so hard and exhausting. I feel like I have to be strong so we can get through all this shit, normally I'd rely on my mum for emotional support but I can't do that now. I'm not sure how much more I can take though TBH, I feel like I'm about to break.