I've suffered with depression on and off throughout my life, generally linked to childhood experiences. These past few years I have really bad paranoia - again linked to these experiences - I am constantly worried that people hate me, and if a friendship is going well I eat myself up with worry that I've offended them somehow.
From the outside, I don't think you could tell there is anything 'wrong' - I'm very good at hiding it from people. But my husband see's how I am and I confide in him, for some reason he's the only person I don't fear will go off and leave me. I have real abandonment issues and I am sick of feeling like this. I've been on the waiting list for cbt for nearly a year now (!) and keep thinking about taking anti-depressents but then never take them, as I keep thinking I'll be fine without them.
Just really needed to type this down tonight. Thank you.