Hi all. I have (usually very well managed with medication) depression. Tonight, I'm having a bad time.
I'm sat here in tears, trying to be quiet with them so my DH doesn't hear. Things just feel worse than they really are but I can't put them into perspective:
- I feel very alone. I have a wonderful DH but he works all the hours under the sun at the moment. Lovely children but they are 4 and 10 months so while I love them dearly and love spending time with them, they are not old enough to be proper "company". I work 4 days per week 9-6, get on with my colleagues but that's what they are. Other than my sister my family may as well live in timbuck too and my friends, two of them I haven't seen this year at all and the other one ive seen once. Not through lack of trying, plans just keep getting cancelled or everyone is too busy to make them in the first place.
- I've had a month of ds2 being really ill. He's slowed right down in his development while other babies around his age have sped up so I feel like I'm doing a bad job as a mother as he's not "doing what he should be doing".
- work is pretty stressful and is just about covering childcare costs plus around £300 to put in the bill pot (prob not even that). I've had to do an occupational health assessment recently because of my depression to make sure I'm fit for work (I am) and just feel like being judged for something other people wouldn't be.
- I still haven't lost the baby weight and am 21/2 stone heavier than I should be. I'm watching what I eat and exercising and its slowly coming off but I feel fat and ugly.
Sorry I just needed to get it off my chest. I don't expect anyone to read or reply.