Starting to feel a bit depressy

[BubblegumPie]

Well I have been for a while, feeling on the edge of something worse IYSWIM.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and severe depression about 4 years ago, and I was taking anti Ds but then I got pregnant and stopped them and have been bf for over 2 years now and reluctant to go to docs because I don't want to take anything incase it affects DD through milk.

Exercise does help, as does a healthy diet but I find it hard to manage either of these when I'm feeling down.
I've also put on a lot of weight and feel v self conscious which doesn't help! (vicious circle really)

I feel very very anxious, sometimes for no real reason. I volunteer for a charity and sometimes in my research I read upsetting things and I feel like my hearts beating too hard and I feel sick, then I can't sleep all night and have unreasonable worries about DD.

I'm very apathetic, it's so hard for me to motivate myself and I haven't managed to get dressed for the past few days. If I have DD and don't take her out all day i feel really guilty but this isn't enough to make me get up and go, if anything it makes me feel worse.
This apathy is affecting my uni work and I'm starting to fall behind.

I don't really know what I want, sometimes I feel like a fraud as if I somehow manipulated my first diagnosis and there's not actually anything wrong with me.

I should go to GP but there's something stopping me. I feel very anxious even thinking about booking an apt. I don't think I'd have time for counseling either.

Just want to get it all out I suppose! (Thanks for reading if you made it this far!)

Oh, you poor thing!

It sounds as if you are a really lovely caring mother but you need to remember to look after yourself too!

I'm sure your GP would be very understanding. You may not need any treatment at all but it would be good to let your GP know how you are feeling if only because you shouldn't have to suffer on like this on your own.

Things could turn around for you in a matter of weeks but it sounds as if it's time to try a new approach so do go and see your GP. You've got nothing to lose.

Thanks Zavi, I think I'm going to ask DH to book me an apt and make sure I go. Then the decision and effort is taken out of my hands.

That's a great first step, bubble

how are you now bubblegumpie? did you see your doctor?

Hi cox I didn't but I managed to get an appointment with the counselor at uni which felt like less of a big deal IYKWIM.

I've posted about it here If you are interested.

Feeling a bit better now.