Help, feel like I'm having a breakdown...

[MrsHelsBels74]

Not stopped crying this morning, shaking, throwing up. DS1 has been with his grandparents this weekend & I don't want him to come back. When I look at DS2 I just feel nothing. Am on 60mg fluoxetine & under a CPN. Have an appointment with the GP this afternoon.
Just don't know how to get through today. What sort of mother doesn't want to see their children?

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful, MrsHelsBels74

Can you divide the time til the GP into small parts and concentrate on getting through those?

Call the doctor and ask if you can go earlier. You aren't well. Don't judge yourself or your thoughts while you are not well. We all think different things and need different things, and sometimes that is time away from your kids. It doesn't mean you are any sort of bad mother. Please be kind to yourself, you have sought help and are doing all the right things. Could your DPs keep your DS until after you have been to the Dr?

Again, please be kind to yourself as best you can.

Oh MrsHels so sorry you're feeling so bad. Sending big sympathies. I'm not in the best place myself this morning (+20mg fluox) but didn't want to leave you on your own. Try and believe me when I say its not you as a mother that doesn't want to see your children, it's the depression talking, its the illness and it is not you as a person. So glad to hear you've got an appointment with the GP this pm. Can you ring your CPN meanwhile if everything feels too much - or even the Samaritans? Are your DCs home with you today or off to school? If they're home can you face taking them out in the garden if you have one and just get out in some fresh air? Sorry that's lots of questions. I am going to try and have a walk in a bit. Hang in there x

be kind to yourself.good advice here.get outside if you can even for 10 minutes.

Thanks everyone. My dad is going to keep DS1 until this PM & will probably stay here while I go to the GP. DS2 has gone to MIL (but she made sure to make a snide comment about how she was supposed to go out today but can't now). DH has finally gone to work but will speak to them about possibly having time off this week.

I feel hungry but feel like I don't deserve to eat if that makes sense?
I just really wish I had a physical illness instead so that people could see how ill I feel.

Oh that sounds like a good plan MrsHels and re: MIL - ignore. I know exactly what you mean about physical illness and visibility - then if we went round with a massive bandage on our heads/half our body in traction it would be a lot more obvious . Be kind to yourself, as you would to a good friend who was poorly. Take care x

Agree with coulouringinqueen, try to imagine what a really caring friend who knows you well would do for you and do that for yourself. So for food that might mean a really healthy breakfast or might mean a sausage sandwich, whatever you think would be right. And tell yourself the things the friend would say, how hard you are trying to get well, how much you want to be better, how important it is to you that you mother your boys well.

Hi MrsHels, how are you doing today? Hope your visit to the GP was helpful and you're feeling a bit calmer today. Hang in there.

How are things? Been thinking of you.

Thank you people. Yes still here. GP is changing my meds so I have to wean myself off one lot before starting the new ones so it could be a grim few weeks but I know why I'm feeling like this (house related stuff) which is being sorted & I have lots of support. My mum has offered to come & stay & part of me is desperate to say yes but I feel like I need to try & do this myself.
Just trying to take each day at a time.

Glad to hear you're getting some support from GP and mum is available too. Don't be too reticent to accept help if it gets too much though. One day at a time is a very good strategy and come back here if you need to vent! Take care.

I had the change meds recently and I was terrified - it was fine tho I just treated myself like I had flu and was bed bound -- a few rocky days but out of everyone's way and it all went fine. Good luck - you are lucky to have a very good mother to support you.

I had the change meds recently and I was terrified - it was fine tho I just treated myself like I had flu and was bed bound -- a few rocky days but out of everyone's way and it all went fine. Good luck - you are lucky to have a very good mother to support you.

I'd love to do that but I've got to get on with looking after the kids. DH had the last 2 days off & my dad has been down but am on my own with DS2 today (DS1 at nursery). My mum lives in the middle of France so coming to stay is a major undertaking, (involving her 2 dogs too) hence my reluctance to agree unless I really need it.

Hi Hels how have you been today? hope you've got on OK with DS2 today. I completely understand your reluctance to have your mum travel. However as a mum yourself you know you'd want to do it if you were her

DS2 went to his GP this afternoon. I had a nap & now feel worse again. It's like I have this little voice inside my head the whole time telling me what a dreadful mother I am. I have to pick up DS1 from nursery soon & to be honest I'd rather hide in bed with the duvet over my head.

I know that voice - I've had one similar. But its not telling the truth. However that just doesn't seem believable when you're in the depths of depression. But one day it will. Be kind to yourself this evening, make things easy for you and the DCs. Take care.