No Call/No Show first week in new job.

[NoCallNoShow]

Don't know what went wrong, got a job after being SAHM for 8 years. Felt pushed into it by my OH. We are ok without the extra money but he wanted me to apply/take the position for more income.

My mum died about 10 months ago suddenly, at 60 had been married since 18 to my dad. He is struggling. I am struggling, even more so with the emotional burden of dealing with his sadness. Lots of people in this new job seemed to know my mum from when she worked in the bank locally. I had to have the "she's died" conversation at least 3 times every day in the first few days. Felt like reliving the whole ordeal and grief just swallowed me up.

I didn't turn up to my job yesterday. I just lost the plot. Needed space to breathe. Was hoping my husband would call me in sick but he didn't. They will be furious. I emailed and said I wasn't right for the position and wouldn't be coming back next week.

I'm such an idiot, I don't know what happened, it is totally unlike me. I now feel like my confidence and self esteem have been blown apart. I'm not depressed just found work suffocating with the constant stream of questions about my mum.

Management are going to go apeshit.

Perhaps you just need some more time to yourself. It sounds as if it was too early for you to go back to work with what you've been through.

A question first.
Am I right in thinking you do not want to go back to work there again ever?

I don't know amillion.

The job itself is not something I am interested in doing. I don't have any childcare now my mum is gone and my dad is struggling with his own problems, although he never burdens me with them directly. It just suited. After 8 years out of work perhaps it's all I thought I would get.

I'm not bothered about working there though. I don think I could go back anyway, I'm too embarrassed. It's almost like I lost my senses, which has frightened me. I feel a little unhinged. I feel like I should be old enough to go through with life without my mum (am very early thirties) but I'm angry, upset, scared it will happen to me (cancer, genetic).

Can you explain a bit more about how and why you felt pushed into taking the job?

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum.

It doesn't sound like you wanted the job, wanted to be out at work or were ready emotionally so not surprising you felt overwhelmed.

I don't know yellow we have a few debts, they are being paid off. With the cost of living high we don't have any spare money for luxuries or for saving. We are on interest only mortgage but this goes back to repayment in September.

My husband didn't want to work away/or commute to London even though he is the one with the large earning power. Instead he wants me to work, but we have no childcare, he does nothing around the house everything seems to be falling on me.

The job I took was demeaning to me as its so far removed from what I enjoy/have done before. But because I have nothing higher than A Levels and have not worked for 8 years I guess that's all I can get. Especially as has to be term time only.

I should have phoned in. I just couldn't control my own feelings I felt like I was having a breakdown. I know they will be on the phone in the morning and will be very angry as I left themin the lurch. I hate myself, my life. Now my mums gone there is no one to talk to.

I think you have to decide if you want the job or not
It may be possible to get it back if you grovel a bit.

Or if you dont want that job, do you want a different one?

or can you persuade your husband that you are not ready for any job?

What does he say about it all?
And yes, he may have to accept you need help around the house if you are to get or stay in work. If that help is not him, then you may have to get someone in to help out.

Sorry about your mum.
Everyone needs someone to offload on to, or get advice from sometimes, no matter what their age is.

It sound like you need to somehow get back on the same page as your husband, is that possible d you think?

oh i'm so sorry to hear about your mum. losing her feels like it has left such a huge hole in your life, and you sound worried about your dad too.

regarding work, how would you feel about calling them in the morning, before they call you, and explaining how you were feeling on the day, that you are struggling. you could also go to your GP and get signed off for a period of time if you like? or you could just explain that you don't think the job is suitable for you at this moment in time.

you say there is no one to talk to since your mum died, would you feel able to go and talk to a therapist about your loss? i know how easy it can be to get into a place where you feel you should be able to cope and not let it overwhelm you, that other people deal with it etc, but really, if you need to talk then the safest thing is to allow yourself that. or do you have a close friend you could talk to?

look after yourself x