Feel so sad and dont know what i can do

[Beauregard]

I feel so so sad ,i have long term depression and i am on antid's .icant think straight and everything i do goes wrong ,i feel so unhappy and vv angry and will snap at the slightest thing .Its got to the point that i think i might be mad as everyone seems out to piss me off or annoy me.I have couple of close friends but cant tell them how i feel as they have their own problems at the moment and feel i will lose them if i bore them with my problems.Im scared that i will end up like my ds did -very mentally ill and suicide.im due back at work in 6 weeks and cant cope ,i saw doc today and said i want off the ad's as none have worked so shes reducing dose so i can come off (have to see her in 2weeks)What now?

no real experience to offer advice from.... sorry thing are so hard for you. wld talking to others in same boat - support group - help maybe....? hope others are along to offer better advice.

Go to see another doctor in the practice and ask for further advice about dealing with depression ; tbh if you are feeling this bad, then it doesn't to me sound the right time for you to be ditching all meds, particularly given you are going back to work (and by the sounds of it there is no other treatment/support for you). also if you haven't already had blood tests, get tested for anaemia and underactive thyroid, as the symptoms for these can mimic depression.

"lifestyle" things that can help with depression are:

avoiding caffeine, and making sure you drink plenty of water
eating healthily and regularly (keeping your blood sugar stable helps mood)
getting enough rest
getting enough sleep
getting some exercise
getting some time for you to relax/do something you enjoy

(I realise that looking after yourself can be a very tall order with a young family to look after!)

might also be worth you speaking to your HV about how you feel as well.

Sorry you are feeling like this, it must be awful for you. If this has been going on for a long time it might be worth asking for a referral to the local mental health team. They would be able to give you specialist advice on what ads you could try or what other things might help you.

Ive had all the blood tests etc so i know it isnt that.I have been referred to a psychologist (have recieved all the forms)but i cant go as it will make me feel worse as my ds had a long history with them during which she was abused,so i would probably thump someone if i went.Told my gp and she told me to phone them to ask for a referral out of area but not sure as its long way to travel and a v long wait.

there must be somebody on the local mental health team that wasn't involved with your sister's case - or would you end up furious with anyone that worked there? otherwise even if the waiting list is long, it's still worth getting on it, if you feel better a year or so down the line you can always take yourself off it.

It would upset me too much to go near the place to be honest.I know i need to see someone but dont know if i would be able to talk without feeling stupid or nervous? and in the mean time all i can do is wait.Im very worried about returning to work as i dont like my manager and he isnt sympathetic ,he is a bit of a control freak so if i went sick he would make it difficult for me ,so i dont know whats worse?