Depression and Anxiety

[Wonderland121]

I suffer with depression and anxiety, I am on anti depressants but day to day can be different for me.

If i had to describe how i feel i would say..

I struggle with normal day to day tasks.

Normal things like making a bed or cleaning the house makes me feel under immense pressure and causes me stress.

When feeling like this my body just wants to shut down and all i want to do is sleep.

I see every day "normal" things as HUGE hurdles.

I can't cope very well.

My mood is very low and i am miserable as a person

I feel like i am in a vicious circle because although everything feels like a huge task to me, i also feel i have slight ocd cause i NEED things to be in order, i need these tasks to be done or i can't function and it makes me miserable, on the other hand i can't find the energy or motivation to do what i feel i need to do so i am in a constant battle with myself.

I hardly EVER leave the house, this causes me huge anxiety, if i do leave the house i am mostly always with someone and won't go alone.

I feel like life is a complete battle, every night i go to bed i dread the next day and how i will be feeling, the struggle, the pressure.

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

I really am just writing this down, i see my gp every 4-6 weeks but to be honest all they do is change my tablets, however i am not sure how much longer i want to be getting up and feeling like this EVERY day, it becomes a chore.

Any advice or help on anything that could help me.

Thank you for letting me write this all down, it helps.

This all makes total sense to me. I went through a very traumatic marital breakdown involving dv. I lost my home, had to leave my job to care for dd and had to move out of the area thus losing every day contact with my support network. All my anchors effectively broke loose and there was nothing remaining unaffected or the same. I became lost very quickly and took refuge in almost compulsive behaviour, cleaning, ironing etc. things had to be just so- basically I couldn't control anything else but I could do that. I went on medication and became almost zombie like. I took no pleasure in anything. I tried my best to hide it from others esp dd who was only 2 at the time. Eventually a friend told me that I was there but wasn't there and I decided to try other methods including counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy. Both were quite effective. With the counselling I went through two counsellors, didn't feel comfortable with the first but the second one was great. The cbt helped me to recognise certain behaviour patterns and worked on taking different action in order to break the cycle. I am still not 100% my self esteem and confidence took a real battering but as much as anything I at least felt more in control by taking some positive action. I hope that by posting as you have, you are getting to a point where you can look into counselling. Unfortunately there are waiting lists on nhs but the sooner you do it the better. I feel for you, your post resonates so strongly with me. You are not alone.

You have described how I am feeling too. I went through a very traumatic breakup 18 months ago and was thrown out of my home by my Exp. I had to start all over again and found my self as a single mum again. Initially I coped but over the past 5 months I have been finding it harder and harder to cope with even minor everyday tasks.

Thank you everyone for sharing your feelings to, it's hard isn't it?
Can I ask about CBT what is this and does it work?
I am so sick of going back to my GP and going through the same rubbish, nothing changes and I feel no better.
My anxiety is terrible at the moment I seriously need to get it under control but don't know how

Hi Wonderland, I know you can get cognitive behavioural therapy on the nHS but I think you need to be referred by gp. This can be a bit of a lottery and you might have to push a bit. I had some savings and paid for my sessions but had to stop as I moved and I couldn't afford them. It's basically training yourself to revognise behaviour in yourself that leads to negative outcomes and then teaches you coping mechanisms and to think more about how you react to that stimulus. I didn't have enough of this but what I did have I found helpful. If you do a google on cbt it will probably come up with a better explanation than the one I've tried to give you here. Just regular counselling was so helpful because you have a licence to feel the way you do and no one is telling you to snap out of it or pull yourself together. If you could do that, frankly, you would. It's good just to have someone acknowledge the seriousness of it to you. I hope you can get some good help.

Wonderland, you can self refer to the community mental health team in your area. Expalin that you are on (whatever drug you are on) for depression and anxiety and would like to access CBT. The waiting lists are long in some areas, but you do not need to wait for your GP to refer you.

(I self referred on Monday after the GP refused because "It will be 3 months before you are assessed and then there is a 12 month waiting list". I rang on Monday an was assessed the same day! The waiting list is still long, but it is nothing like 12 months here and I am on it now.....)

Oh, and the evidence base for CBT is much better than the evidence base for the drugs, especially with respect to anxiety.

I had no idea you could do that! That's good to know Donki.