6 weeks post break-up avd prescribed ADs :( so alone & scared

[glitternanny]

The split wasn't a surprise - we have a 15m old little boy whose currently at his Dads ;(

Went to the dr yesterday and I'm right - moderate to severe depression - it's been. 11 years since my first 'episode' which left me barely functioning and off work for over 7 months.

A few friends know how I'm really feeling, one started this 'scoring' idea where I tell her just a number each day of how I'm feeling, she's asked 3 days in the last 10. Out of 4ppl who knew about my appointment only 1 asked how it went. I only went to it cos I'd promised her I would - one of the hardest things I've done.

I feel like such a failure -

It is not a failure to have depression.
If it was, 1/3 of the British population would be failures, which by my Maths, makes about 22 million people!

The person who has asked you how you feel 3 days out of 10, is being a good friend.
From how I read your thread,another did ask how it went.

The other 2. Some people do not know what to say, or can be afraid to ask.

Use your friends as much as possible!

Being depressed is not failing. I have had it a few times and to get through it you need to be stronger than ever.

It does get better as you know but it's hard to believe when your stuck in the fog.

You sound like your doing your best and that is all you can do!

I don't feel like I can talk to or rely on anyone :( don't want to be a burden.

Cancelled all my plans today just feel so shit.

I just thought if she said she wanted to know everyday she'd ask everyday.

She may well have meant it at the time.
But in reality, it is a bit of a big ask.
You could ask her nicely, or remind her nicely. I dont see the harm in you doing that. Though you may have to bear in mind that she may not be able to stay and talk for too long absolutely every day.

Today has been a tricky day. I've not gone to get my script yet :( I guess it's all part of accepting it.
My parents came over which was kinda nice but I'm never right in my dads eyes. Nearly broke down but kept it in.
Then my boy came back, felt a stab in my heart when I saw my ex - god I miss him.
Then spent the evening packing up baby clothes so I guess I'm grieving for what could've been :( memories if so much hope for my little family.
It's all gone wrong.

Sorry for your loss. 6 wks is still very recent. The best thing I did when I split from my ex-H was see a counsellor organised through my HV. It was free and I had my first appt within a couple wks - much, much quicker than gp route. I really hope something like this is still available (my dc is 5) as it was invaluable for me and would hope others can benefit too.

As you mentioned scoring your mood, have you heard of moodscope? I've found it a useful tool (though I got rubbish at completing it after about a year!) maybe that would help you keep track.

Tries to post link www.moodscope.com/login

I think it will take a while for the ADs to kick in.
So could you manage to pick them up soon?

Sorry you had a bad day yesterday.
Agreed that 6 weeks is not very long.

thanks - i'm kinda using this as a diary hope you don't mind.

no not seen moodscope before might check that out.

I got the script today and have just taken the first one - the few i've told probably think i'm mad for making such a big thing of it - but for me it is a big thing.

Had a little cry on my friend's metaphoric shoulder but didn't go into much detail as was working. emailed a private counsellor and have tried to get a phone number of a supportive health visitor i saw last year. sigh

You post in the diary, no problem.
Glad you have picked up your script and are dealing with things.

I'm trying today has been v v hard.
Feeling Crap from the pills and then ex says he got his new job so will have lo a lot more often :( every 4 days he'll have him for 3/4 nights&days :( :(
Dunno how to make this okay
Cried all they way home.

It would make me sad too. There used to be"Gingerbread" for single parents. I dont know if it still exists. You might find it helpful to meet up with others that are going through it too?

For now, just concentrate on the here and now, take your meds and see what effect they have - this may take a few weeks. You have had a huge amount of stress and shock, a course of ADs to help you find your balance seems a good idea.

Have a little lurk on Relationships to see how a wide variety of women are coping with this kind of stuff.