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Mental health

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Original poster

Dh just been prescribed paroxetine...

18 replies

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 14:33

...and I'm a bit scared and very worried.
He's been anxious as long as I've known him but it's escalated recently. He's stepped out of his comfort zone of 9 to 5 job to look after our dcs and start a photography business - a decision we made together because he was unhappy in his previous career and felt he was going nowhere.
I didn't ever really plan to work full time and it was supposed to be short term, but our youngest ds is now 3 and although he has made some progress with the business his anxiety has stopped him pushing it forward. He's really frustrated because he wants to be successful and the anxiety is stopping him. He feels like he's let us all down and has got into a vicious circle of negative thoughts.
He's started a cbt programme but went to the gp yesterday because he hasn't really slept this week and broke down in tears yesterday morning.
He's resisted meds before and although I think its probably what he needs right now I'm worried to death about the side effects and what its going to do to him and our family. I want to be supportive but don't really know how. Part of me wants to turn the clock back t

OP posts:

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 14:34

sorry stupid phone...
meant to say turn the clock back to when he was bored at work but at least not in the state he's in now.

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Crawling · 23/02/2013 14:46

I take paroxetine its brilliant for anxiety and I had virtually no side effects. I was major anxious about taking them (side effect of having anxiety) but no I take them and my anxiety is virtually gone I cant believe I suffered so long without taking them.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 20:12

Thank you! I suppose I'm focussing more on what the negative effects could be...perhaps I should be looking forward to the positives. Its just there are so many horror stories out there.

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Crawling · 23/02/2013 20:56

The only issue I have is its not as good for depression IME but cures my anxiety nicely and if I forget two doses in a row I get bad withdrawal I get headaches anxiety back in full and dizziness. What dose is he starting on?

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 21:05

20mg. He can't start for a week as he has to get st johns wort out of his system and then I guess it will be a couple of weeks until they start to do anything so I think we're in for a rough ride.

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Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 21:09

Is there anything I can do to help him over these next few weeks? He says I've just got to be myself but I'm already treading very carefully, not putting pressure on him to 'achieve' anything...I can't help but wonder if I've somehow contributed to this episode by inadvertently putting pressure on him.

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Crawling · 23/02/2013 21:17

Just be ready to listen if he needs you too.
They take a month to start working mind so it will take a while before he starts to feel better.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 21:42

I'm dreading it.

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Bluestocking · 23/02/2013 21:47

I found paroxetine brilliant for depression and anxiety. I felt noticeably better after three weeks on it and "back to normal" after six weeks. I hope your DH gets on well with them. Just be gentle with him and don't expect miracles too soon.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 23/02/2013 22:10

Thanks for the reassurance. Dh has always been very anti-medication and managed it with St Johns Wort and hundreds of self help books, so I know this is a last resort for him. I hope it works. He's so angry with himself that it's getting the better of him.

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TheSilveryPussycat · 23/02/2013 23:43

I'm 60 so it wasn't till I was over 40 that SSRIs were developed. I didn't have anxiety as such, more depression with a touch of dread, at intervals all my life. The ADs I tried in my 20's didn't suit me, as they just switched off all feeling, and I preferred to feel something.

I was severely depressed in 1998 and had to leave work because of it. That's when I was first prescribed paroxatine. For me it changed my life, it restored my mood to normal :)

I'm not depressed now, but take a low dose, 20mg a day, just for maintenance.

It's quite common to have feelings of nausea at the start of the course, these should pass. Slight odd feelings in the digestive system are possible too. and to start off with they seemed to make me fart for England

Expect not to really notice much difference in mental state for at least 3 weeks, although it is not uncommon for it to take less than that. So soft-pedal, if he was an employee and not s/e he would be signed off at the moment.

Sometimes there may be sexual side effects. Loss of erection can be treated by the GP with viagra.

fairylights · 23/02/2013 23:54

my dh started taking paroxetine the week before christmas and we were both very worried about whether it was the right decision but it has actually been a really positive thing, he was getting into such a state with anxiety that he went to the GP who took him very seriously from the first visit. TBH I think I was more worried about him taking them as I was worried that he would become dependent etc.. but I am so glad to have my dh back - able to cope with life and actually relax and enjoy himself sometimes!
I have just tried to be as supportive and "believing in him" as possible, reminding him that this is just a phase in his life and that it does not have to last etc.. it hasn't been easy but actually I think has brought us much closer as a couple which can only be a good thing
He is having psychotherapy now and has really got into Mindfulness (google it if you haven't heard if it, it's really interesting!) as an approach to dealing with his anxiety. Of course we both feel a bit concerned about what happens at the end of the 6 months but I think we are just going to cross that bridge when we get there.. all the best to your DH and to you.

fairylights · 23/02/2013 23:56

ps DH definitely thought it took effect within days which I know is not what is expected but he was very stressed abouy christmas with his family and actually coped with it fine.. could just have been the knowledge that he was taking something that was helping though!

fairylights · 23/02/2013 23:58

pps sorry this really is the last thing I am going to say! But I do think your dh being angry with himself might be something he has to deal with - that may be obvious but I do see with my dh that a lot of this process is about him learning to love and care for himself..

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 24/02/2013 07:38

fairylights - it's really good to hear that things are getting better for you despite your misgivings. I want my dh back too.
Having no experience myself of the feelings he has makes it hard to know quite what to say/do for the best. Unfortunately I have parents evening this week (I'm a teacher) which means 2 late nights back from work but after that I'm going to try to be around as much as possible.

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Austin7 · 24/02/2013 21:02

Hi. I've been on paroxetine for 18 years! I can only say it has made the most profound difference to my life which was completely ruled by severe anxiety. It was tough for the first 10 days with agitation and severe nausea but that wore off gradually. I don't know that many people who've taken it as long as I have, I'm 54, but I've done quite a bit of creative writing, parented 3 kids and become a mgistrate none of which I'd been able to contemplate before. I'm practice Mindfulness too which has helped me develop self kindness. Good luck.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 24/02/2013 21:31

Thank you. I really hope that this makes the difference to my dh that it has to some of you. It is heartbreaking to see him crippled by this horrible illness that is preventing him reaching his full potential. Still dreading the next few weeks, as is he, but he is very self aware - meditating every evening, cycling etc. to try and combat the increased anxiety that cutting out Valerian and St John's Wort is creating.
In many ways I am glad that it has come to a head. It is evident now that we have actually been pushed into talking about it (you can't really not talk about it when your 6'6" nearly 40 year old dh is sobbing on your shoulder at 7.30 in the morning) how long we have NOT been talking about it for.
By his own admission he has been trying to deny that he is slipping for some time - weeks, months I don't know. At least we're communicating now which has got to be a good thing. I just want to fast forward a few weeks past the initial effects if there are any to when (hopefully) he starts to feel better.

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TheSilveryPussycat · 24/02/2013 21:52

Yes, that's what we do, we fight it, which although an honourable reponse, is not always the most effective one. I have found submitting to it (by going back to bed, and stopping 'kicking against the pricks' as it says in the bible) actually helps me to recover more quickly.

Been on it for 25 years off and on - also as my depression was part seasonal, I would sometimes come off it in the summer.

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