Really need your help on this situation - violent person

[inseriousneedofadvice]

Hi all - have NC for this.

I don't really know where to start but will try. A ex family friend severed contact with us /her other friends when she suffered mental health issues. Majority of her family suffer the same way.

3 years ago - on first hearing about her problems, (we had lost touch by then) I was so concerned that I went to see her (she lives/lived not near) on getting there, she physically attacked me, accusing me of talking about her, what had I said about her. Total paranoia stuff. I have never discussed her! It really shook me up but not knowing how to deal with it, I never reported it. I honestly did not want to get her in trouble. I also rationalised that it was not 'her' who attacked me, but someone who was ill, but I knew I was out of my depth and could not be around her.

She subsequently went on to attack a mutual friend of ours in the street (Friend had popped out of meeting to get lunch in Central London) when mutual friend bumped into her. This too was not reported. Mutual friend has run into her once again but it was just verbal abuse this second time round.

Life has moved on, don't even know of her whereabouts until today.

I was with my child on bus sitting next to the window downstairs when I came face to face with her outside of the bus (bus was in traffic, slow moving) she proceeded banging violently on the window shouting abuse at me and my child who was sitting besides me. She was really going for it. I moved seats, everyone looking. I made it out like I didn't know her. I was so scared she would try to catch the bus at the next stop but fortunately bus started to move (slow) I was so shaken up as was my child. I decided to get off at the next stop and run to the cab station opposite as I just was in so much shock of seeing her again and I couldn't stay on the bus. I haven't seen/ heard from her in about 3 years.

What really concerns me is that it appears she is back in the area she grow up in (where I live) and how angry she still is! what about, I don't know!

I actually fear for me and my family/friends because I know what she is capable of. The thought of running into her again feels me with terror. My child had to witness this today and it makes me so angry.

I can't go into it, but it is def mental health issues she is battling. But I need to know how I can keep safe.

Do I call Social Services in the borough/and the borough she used to live in? and then what?! what do I say?

Do I contact MIND? can they advise?

I thought about the police but what will happen? will this antagonise her

So sorry this is all over the place. If I have used any incorrect terms etc, apologies - seriously not looking for a barn fight just advice.

I am scared, stressed and alone. I am dealing with bereavement, relationship breakdown - I really don't need this!

Please please advise what I should do. Thank you.

The lady is obviously ill.
I should imagine that the Mental Health services are already aware of her illness.

So in a way we have to deal with you.
In reality, how often do you think you will bump into her?
I dont know how big your local area is.

I'd talk to MIND and ask their advice.

Actually, I disagree with the previous poster. Whilst social services may be aware of her and her illness, they also need to know about any incidents that happen as they form part of the picture when assessing her needs and care.

I would approach social services I think in your own area. Tell them everything and allow them, as professionals, to decide upon a course of action.

Your safety and the safety of your DC is the most important thing and of course your friend getting the help she needs. There have been a few instances so obviously the situation isn't going to go away.

We've got a Care In the Community bod about the place. He's mostly harmless, but occasionally shouts at people. If you tell him to stop swearing he does stop and say sorry. Alcoholism is a fairly large part of his problem.

However, a couple of weeks ago he used the pelican crossing over the main road through town, and I was the first car in the queue. He stopped and leaned onto my bonnet, pulling faces and muttering. Now I'm a local and know he's harmless, but when he starting banging on it I was quite frightened. Then the lights changed, of course I couldn't move forward, but the people behind couldn't see why I wasn't moving, the hooting started and one impatient young man suddenly overtook me with a lot of brake squealing, just as I started to open my door to get out and move him on physically. Situation was beginning to get very scary. Then he lurched off and finally got to the pavement. I drove on, shaking - I had to pull up in the first safe place to calm down.

I wasn't sure what to do, but then I ran into a policeman, and decided to tell him. He said 'that's a new one for , I'll let his social worker know'.

Thank you for responding. I haven't done anything today - just trying to think best way forward.

I know for a fact she HATES authority of any type - has an absolute hate for the police etc. Part of her issue is that she thinks people (esp people in her past) have conspired with the authority to bring her down. She is extremely paranoid even when she was well enough she was suspicious of people. Now it's just heightened extremely.

I have had to deal with a really distressed child today - no matter how much I downplay it, they saw my terror yesterday. I have spent time reassuring child but DC is still down.

All this only 8 days after burying my DM.

Do you think moving this to chat would help with more responses?

Just about any thread moved to chat would get more responses,so yes probably.

Sorry about your mum
How you are feeling right now about that isnt going to help your anxiousness about the lady.

Thanks so much amillionyears - def not what I need right now.

I will move this to chat.

Hi,I'm new on here :-) I'm also a mental health nurse as well as a mummy so I know quite alot about mental health. I did pick up a bit u wrote which said she's still angry but u have no idea why!! To write that she's still angry! Suggests to me that there must be an underlying unresolved issue you perhaps may have forgotten! This person may have mental health issues but that should never stop you contacting the police if you find yourself or your family at risk! At the end of the day! Someone with mentalhealth problems still have to be taught and know the difference between right and wrong! If your scared you call the police because having pity because you find there ill does no good! It's called tough love xx

InNeed, I think linzi has given some good advice, from a professional point of view.

Im so sorry to hear about your DM and I hope you have support around you.

Really awful for you, and what a brilliant time this woman has chosen to frighten you. But at the risk of a really old cliche, she's not liable to do much to you. But I think you can call the police, so at least they know.

Our local violent person looks petrifying and is less so, altho the level of verbal abuse is very clever and very nasty - like a tramp Frankie Doyle. I think a lot of people that ill come across more dangerous than they are. Having said that, every now and then he gets arrested and sent to prison for a bit.

I really feel for you - revolting to have to put up with this when you are so raw with vulnerability. I would call the police, call Mind to see if they have tension-defusing scripts or phrases you can use if the woman pops up again, then breathe and have a cup of tea.

Sorry you're going through so much at the moment.

You have three options:

• Give local Community MH team a ring. Your local MH inpatient unit can give you their number for your locality - it's find-able via NHS Choices search. This is preferable to SS as she may already be known to that service, and they need to know what's occurring wither can appropriately plan care for her.
• Guve local non-emergency police a ring and report. They can kink with local MH services and many local police have a MH Liaison officer who can and will be aware of services / people.
• Give local Adult Social Services a ring. Suspect they'll just redirect you though to police or community MH team.

It's not a bad thing to report incidents like this and won't necessarily lead to her being arrested or detained under the mental health act in hospital. It WILL give her care team (if she has one) much needed info about what's possibly happening for her at the moment with regards her mental health. If she isn't under the care of a MH team (you'd be amazed how many people with very significant MH issues are not receiving any care) then reporting this may enable them to contact her GP / alert other services thatshe may be in need of assessment.

Hope this helps and good luck.

NB - you can do all of the above totally anonymously, so it won't link to you - in my experience most MH workers are very sensitive about how they discuss such reports with people I.e. Would be quite generic about a report they'd received.

May also be worth giving MIND a call so you can talk about some of the issues she may be facing an strategies they may have to help with that.

Hi all - I have been posting in chat section. I just wanted to say:

Thank you all for your help and also for those who have shared their stories. I have managed to get a lot sorted out today and I am feeling a lot calmer (my anxiety levels were off the hook!)

I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it. I will be NC back to my original nickname so won't be back on this thread (well I hope I never have to!) you have all been fab, thanks so much.