just need to rationalise AAAGGGHHH

[alwaysworriedtoo]

I am having a major panic. I chopped some garlic didn't like the smell thought it was fustyish so got rid got some new cloves and choppped them up and thought they smelt better. Cooked the food for a while and worried about fusty smell so chucked out a hole pan of spagetti bolognais made fresh used garlic pepper instaed but then I put the pan lid down onto board I had chopped garlic and across the knife also. the pan lid is not touching the food but cobdensation could have caused something(?) to drop into new pan of food. I have had two 4 drop doses of bach remedy. Done my mantra and am still trembly. I know hubby will be cross and i know sort of that nothing I have ever worried about has come to pass. darent throw this batch away as hubby finnishes workj soon but want to throw it in case I give family botholism or sometyhing. Ive just started peried so its hormaornal AAAGGGHHH.

Deep breaths.

The food will be absolutely fine.

Can you distract yourself with something else.

Breathe again.

Too late. I told hubby burst into tears but instaed of sympathy he swore said just chuck it out then and cleared off. So chucked it. Cooking something else and now alterating between anger at myself and lack of sypathy and patheticness ggrrr. have washed myhands about a million times gone through four towels had to wipe down everything id touched with heavily laden washing up liquided cloth. trying my mantra didnt work so just keep thinking. Washing up liquid cleans and hot water. repeating mantra. I know this food is fine just need to stay sane. Thanks scillycow. Breath.!

Im feeling calmer now. I am so dissapointed in myself. i really thought that I was really improving. I had read about cbt and was putting that into practice and had a few mantras that seemed to work. i was keeping on top of it I thought. But it seems that a sudden burst of hormones has made me rethink.I almost had a panick again about the fact I had 'maybe' touched some clean stuff id put away. 'Get over it! I am going to clean kitchen thoroughly and try to get my head screwed on back right again. Third meal was ok. Hubby was quiete 'resigned' I think. Im still feeling a bit weepy but trembles have gone.
Sorry for the rant.

Garlic is a natural antibiotic, and has anti-fungal and anti-viral properties to boot. It has a very long history of use in traditional medicine all over the world for this very reason; it was used as an antiseptic in the trenches during WW1 and WW2, for example.

The chances of there being dangerous fungal spores or bacteria in a piece of garlic which only "smells slightly fusty" is therefore infinitesimally tiny.

All bacteria that will make you ill are almost guaranteed to be killed after a short period of cooking anyway.

I have no idea if you are receiving professional help for your anxiety, OP, but it might be worth seeing your GP about it if it's ruling your life to this extent.

Thanks Cailleach. Good sense!
Last year I had given myself an ultimatum of If im not better or seem to be getting worse I will go to GP. I sort of knew when my peak times would be (hormornal) and so this also helped with the rationalisation of foundless fears and contamination issues.I had a few good months with only minor glitches, and since this new year have been mostly o.k. No massive full blown attacks at all.This is the worse Ive been for a long time. Especially with all my 'good parctice' stuff I thought I had in place.This 'episode' has shaken me up a bit. I am going to keep a check on my progress again. I am thinking it must be a surge of hormones and also a to do list as long as my arm and lots of things I have to remember and tiredness.(I Hope!)
Thanks again for your sense!