Hi
I'm a single mum, and recently resumed relationship with old boyfriend (someone I've been involved with on and off for years). I have been very worried lately because despite the fact that contraception has been used, I am pretty sure I have had a delayed period. To my shame, I got rather drunk last night (despite being in sole charge of 3 y/o dd, who was asleep) and phoned clairvoyant (Ugh! don't even BELIEVE in clairvoyants!) who told me I was in early stages of pregnancy, and that the father was 'a married man' (she may have been on the ball there, since BF still lives with his de-facto but claims - very implausibly - I am now thinking - that they are merely platonic these days).
Anyway, upshot was that I had total panic attack, phoned BF and insisted he go to all-night chemist for test. Test proved negative (although I still have not got period and have VERY sore boobs, am awfully tired and don't really feel premenstrual, so I am not 100% reassured....I am not sure when my period is due beyond remembering that I was meant to get it this week, and I know most tests don't register unless you are at least a day overdue).
The thing that makes me feel really awful, though, was that whne BF initially refused to go to chemist for test for me, I actually considered (drunk as I was) putting sleeeping dd in back of the car and driving to chemist myself. In fact, the only thing that stopped me, as panicked as I was, was that I did not actually have enough money to buy pg test. I would like to think that even if I HAD had enough money, sanity would have prevailed and I would not have put my child in danger like that, but I'm not sure....and I feel like a total creep.
Anyway, as it turned out, BF did come round with test and apparently it is all okay. This BF has to get out of my life, though, and I emailed him to that effect this mmorning. Because previously it has always seemed that presence of darling dd was sufficient to prevent me from acting irresponsibly (drinking, etc) but apparently not anymore. I am not blaming BF: I have always had the propensity to drink too much: but this particular person has always had the capacity to really upset me, and I have definitively decided to give him 'the swerve' from hereonin. I think I need a quiet celibate life right now (ex dp, father of my child is keen to re-establish relationship with me and I am not so keen, so that is an additional problem).
I am considering going back to AA (I used to go, before I was pregnant). I can pretend all I want, but the fact is that every night after I put dd to bed I usually have 4-5 glasses of wine before retiring, and it's too much. Also I binge a bit when her dad has her overnight. I just don't know what else to do....I feel so guilty about ex dp's misery, about dd's unhappiness (as young as she is, she remembers when we were together, and often says she wishes that 'daddy and mummy would stop fighting and live together again in the one house'.
Thing is, ex-dp was extraordinarily controlling and occasionally violent, and this more or less permanently put me off him sexually. So I very doubt 'giving it another go' would anything other than a waste of time.
Sorry. Hope y'all don't think I'm too disgraceful. Advice would be appreciated. I just wish I'd get my darned period, though!