My little sister has just been taken away in an ambulance

[TheDarkSideOfTheSpoon]

She was at my Grandad's down the road, she called the ambulance and told them she was suicidal, they were there in minutes and now she's in hospital refusing to see anyone.

There's so much back story to this I don't know where to start. I'm so desperate for this to stop, I don't know what to do or how to help.

She is an extreme alcoholic, bipolar, manic depressive, has eating disorders, addictive personality, compulsive lier, but she's also my little sister and even though there are times when I feel I hate her I don't, I love her so very much.

Her alcoholism is destroying her and we don't seem to be able to do or say anything to make her stop. DH & I are living with our two DDs in my parents house while we save for a house deposit, I hate myself for thinking it but I just can't wait to get out, to get my children away from her and the risk she poses, and to be able to relax at home rather than the constant hiding things, locking everything, the atmosphere, just everything at the moment.

We found out yesterday she has been sneaking around in our room, DDs' room, my parents and my other DSis's room stealing money and the alcohol we all kept, supposedly hidden securely, in our rooms so as not to leave it where it might upset or tempt her. On top of that we found out tonight she has stolen and drunk two vintage bottles of port worth a few hundred pounds each from my grandad. It was this that started everything off tonight, my DM phoned DSis and told her she would have to explain to grandad what she'd done, DSis refused then said she was 'going out', two minutes later grandad called saying there was an ambulance outside so we jumped in the car but she wouldn't see us. She's now staying overnight in hospital but we've been here before, she'll be sent home tomorrow.

What do we do? How on earth do we all manage this? It's got to come from her but she keeps saying one thing then doing another, nothing she says is ever the whole truth. My parents are at their wits end with worry, anger, frustration, hurt, you name it.

I don't know what I'm asking really, just feel so desperately sad and I can't see how its ever going to end. How do we help her get better?

I guess I should add she's 22, not a child but still so young, so many problems when she should be in the prime of her life at uni having fun and being carefree.

I'm so upset tonight, just a hand to hold or some wisdom from someone who has been through it and got out the other side would really help.

Sorry it's so long.

I'm not sure there's anything you can do except be there when she's ready richer help. although what's just happened must be very scary for all of you, maybe it's a sign she's ready to change.

So your mother brought up the fact that your sister is a thief and so to distract attention away from what she's done, your sister is suddenly suicidal and had to be whisked away to hospital that instant.

Sounds par for the course for a self-centred manipulative alcoholic.She gets called on her bad behaviour and so she cooks up some drama as a smokescreen to confuse the issue.

Even better from her point of view, the next time she sneaks around the house stealing other people's booze and cash you'll all be afraid to say anything in case it causes yet more drama. You get to walk on eggshells aroundher, she gets to carry on thieving and boozing. Win-win for her.

You can't stop her behaving like this because it works for her. You don't have the right to insist that she should live her life the way you think she should.

You can't talk an alcoholic into stopping drinking until they decide they want to change. And that, to make a very broad generalisation, is when their drinking has cost them so much that they can no longer drink enough to ignore it.

But enough about her. What's more important here is you and your children. They are not benefiting from living in an environment dominated by someone else's chaos and drama. Neither are you. The stress becomes damaging. You need to look after yourself.

Melody Beattie wrote an excellent book called "Codependent No More" about how our lives and thoughts can so easily be overwhelmed by the drama of another person's addiction and how to wrest back control. I strongly recommend it.

Look after yourself. Let the professionals look after your sister.

Thank you all, its just so difficult knowing how to react each time something new happens, call her on it and as snorbs points out there is usually a drama but don't call her on it and we're giving her the green light to continue. None of us have any prior knowledge or experience of this and each time we think we're getting a handle on it it escalates.

I'm only just starting to realise how massive the problem is, how deeply her illnesses have burrowed and how massive the consequences. I wish I knew and understood more, perhaps that would help.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I will start with that.

Its all so awful :(

Agree that you can't force an alcoholic to stop drinking and also agree that the ambulance drama was about her not having to face up to having stolen the port.

Is she on any medication for the bipolar? If not that may help.

Normally alcoholics only stop when they hit rock bottom, but I wonder if with all her other problems if getting her on the radar of local MH services could help.

I'm sorry you're going through this, you sound lovely. I you need to have a zero tolerance stance on her behaviour as at the moment she had you ask on a string.

Has you all on a string. Autocorrect.

I think the best approach is to call her on it in as calm and collected way as you can and to try to ignore the subsequent drama as much as possible.

You know that she'll cook up something to try to distract attention away from her bad behaviour. Try to take an approach of "I wonder what attention-seeking bullshit she'll come up with this time" rather than "OMG! The world's crashing down around our ears!"

It is hard though. Whatever her underlying issues are heavy drinking is just going to make them worse. It will also make those issues more-or-less untreatable until she can get her drinking under control.

If someone has repeatedly shown themselves to be unreliable and untrustworthy then you'd be mad to hope that, next time, they'll magically turn into someone who can be trusted. No matter how much she might shout and scream that you're being unfair, she's demonstrated that she cannot be trusted. End of story.

Don't listen to what she says, pay attention to what she does. An alcoholic's promises are worthless if they're not matched by their actions.

Snorbs everything you've said just sounds so familiar, I wish I had your level of understanding but its all coming at me new and I feel so under prepared.

She's been ill for a while but a lot of the last three years she's been away at uni where the drinking has got out of control but we haven't seen it all. Now she's had to drop out of uni and come home its just hit us how bad she is and how much we don't understand.

Some days I'm so angry I find it hard to talk to her, but then I feel guilty for that and worry it will make her feel even more isolated. Then I just go back to feeling so sad that my little sister is suffering so much.

Funnymum yes she's been on meds for the bipolar for a while but I don't know how good she is at taking them, or if the drinking will affect their effectiveness?

Last week her mh worker suggested a referral for rehabilitation but I think the waiting list is very long. It sounds good though so maybe if we can ride it out til then there may be good things to come.

You sound Linda great big sister but your priority now had to be your children and your own well being.

Have you tried Al Anon a support group for families of alcoholics? Also Sane should be able to signpost you to support for families of people with mental health issues

Hope you all get help you need.

Like a not Linda!